So I lost my car today……again. I walked out of the office this am to run some errands and I looked around to find my car and it was no where in sight. Then I retraced my steps and walked all the way back to the gym where I found it right where I left it. Apparently I left the gym this morning and walked to the office instead of getting into my car which I had driven to the gym. I swear I think my ADD is getting worse. Several other things happened to me to make my mornings more difficult.
So with this in mind came up with a couple of things not only for me to do but for you
when you have a bad day:
First you can think about redecorating as I am planning on doing at my in-laws new house. I decided to go with the big lips shaped couch that will be set right beside that hand shaped arm seat. There will be a big plug-in neon flashing poster of an 18 wheeler to go on the wall behind the couch. That bad boys gonna burn all night long baby! Then there is the antique Zenith TV converted into an aquarium that will be filled with man-eating fish. And we definetly can not forget the old thread worn 1970’s plaid love seat with the holes worn into most of the cushions. These pieces of furniture are the best as you can always find change and old stale corn chips under the cushions after long make out sessions. Or if you are like me and have been alone all week it would be long TAKE out sessions. Or is it a long make IT out sessions when you are all by your self?
Second would be for you to join me in making fun of my best friends (Chris) new blog. I have been making myself feel better by uploading “mocku-posts”. I suggest that you try it cuz it really does make you feel better. http://www.andeanairwaves.blogspot.com/
The last thing you can do to make your self feel better is to check out this new G. W. Bush gallery. It will be sure to put a smile on your face.
http://images.search.yahoo.com/search/images/view?back=http%3A%2F%2Fimages.search.yahoo.com%2Fsearch%2Fimages%3Fp%3DBoy%2BGeorge%252C%26sp%3D1%26fr2%3Dsp-top%26ei%3DUTF-8%26fr%3Dyfp-t-501-s%26x%3Dwrt%26js%3D1%26ni%3D21%26ei%3DUTF-8%26SpellState%3Dn-2960201050_q-6d8KrP9NtXwnUy.o7A8OXAAAAA%40%40&w=250&h=389&imgurl=www.million-bush.com%2Fartworks%2Fmillionbush_boy-george-bush.jpg&rurl=http%3A%2F%2Fwww.million-bush.com%2Fboy-george-bush&size=13.3kB&name=millionbush_boy-george-bush.jpg&p=Boy+George%2C&type=jpeg&no=4&tt=44,956&oid=c2215367ed33cc1a&ei=UTF-8
Or this Pic. http://www.flickr.com/photos/911review/293457625/
Three Religiions
Facing the wall
# 48 26th of Nov.,2007
Well I must say the blogger world has been quite dry for me as of late. I guess one of the reasons would be that most of my friends have become quite silent as of late. For instance when I was over at Gyms for Thanksgiving Dinner conversation was quite calm. For example Gym would say “Well the gerble farm has been quite good these days, you know how tickly the little bastards they can be.” It was sort of like talking to a coal miner. Also I have been prohibited from blogging about some of the only interesting things that have been going on. Like when Tammy told me that I could not say anything about how I almost inadvertently poisoned most of the household pets over the weekend and the aftermath that followed. I can at least vouch for the fish. They were safe and sound in their little world while havoc was reeked through my domicile.
Then there was the conversation that I had with my wife. I asked her if I was a nerd. After an uncomfortable pause she said “No……your just ‘quirky’, yah that’s it….quirky. And quirky…..is good”
Later I had a conversation with my friend Gomar who told me that he was about to move back to Washington State to start a skate boarding cafe. You know where you can go have a cup of coffee and skate. I said “That ought to make millions….for insurance companies!”
Well that is all I am aloud to mention on my blog today. Come X-mas I should have much more material as I will be hanging out with my father-in-law Jack. I will come up with a pseudonym for him later.
Perhaps I should call him “Low Jack”.
FeO2
Then there was the conversation that I had with my wife. I asked her if I was a nerd. After an uncomfortable pause she said “No……your just ‘quirky’, yah that’s it….quirky. And quirky…..is good”
Later I had a conversation with my friend Gomar who told me that he was about to move back to Washington State to start a skate boarding cafe. You know where you can go have a cup of coffee and skate. I said “That ought to make millions….for insurance companies!”
Well that is all I am aloud to mention on my blog today. Come X-mas I should have much more material as I will be hanging out with my father-in-law Jack. I will come up with a pseudonym for him later.
Perhaps I should call him “Low Jack”.
FeO2
# 47 November 11, 2007, Allegations and other questionable truths
Quotable quote:
-All men can be reached by flattery, even God can. (What, after all, is prayer?)
-All men can be led to believe the lie they want to believe.
-All men can be corrupted, each in his own way.
Niccolo Machiavelli
So I just finished a book that belongs to a friend of mine who does not even know that I have the book.. I have heard through the grape vine that this friend reads this book on a yearly basis. Odd! It is a good book but I think I have only read a couple of books twice in my life. The title is “The Secret of Santa Vitoria”. It is about this little town in Italy that has been growing grapes and making wine for thousands of years. The time of the book is set in the early forties during the WWII era. The story is of how the people of the town hide half a million bottles of wine from the German army who have come to confiscate it for the Reich. It is an interesting tail of different views of truth and how these views work for the best of the community and the conservation of tradition and leadership.
I also went and saw a Bolivian National movie called “Evo Pueblo”. It is basically the life story of Bolivia’s current leftist indigenous president Evo Morales. The cinematography is good as well as the music. But the problem is that they paint him out to be such a nice, sweet, sensitive, and slightly shy guy. Funny they mention nothing about his syndicate boss type leadership which is rumored to be quite brutal. Anyway, as far as the movie goes I will have to give it the same critique that Tammy gave “Harry Potter”. It complete lacked cool car chase scenes, sexy love scenes although there was the part where they showed a drunk Evo going around womanizing a bunch of cholita women. But by my standards this really did not classify as sexy. There was absolutely no Karate or martial arts of any kind. Unless you want to consider a bunch of evil looking soldiers kicking Evo in the head a form of martial art. There were no cool battle robots any where to be seen. I guess what would have made the movie better is if at the end Evo would have pealed off a mask to reveal he was really Goerge W Bush. Now that would have been a rye twist a la “Usual Suspects” but perhaps everybody would have seen that one coming.
But it is a good movie to create the cult of personality that every socialist leader needs to endear him to the masses. A few in the list that were popular for doing these type of things would be Mao, Stalin, Castro, and even Hitler with “Mien Kompf”. So I have just come to calling the movie “Evo huevo”
Now moving on to other things I have finally decided to reveal to you the life and times of my good buddy Rev. Gym. Here we have compiled a sort of time line of his life. This is so one can understand different aspects of R.G. as he is further brought up in future blogs. So with out further ado:
The Life and Times of Rev. Gym
-circa 1962 Born. Sired by “Waldo” the webbed foot circus performer from Czechoslovakia who impregnated a local-yokel young lady in Western Australia on his third “World Victory” tour. His tour stops included some small piss-ass village in the Czech Republic; Perth, Australia; Branson, Mo; and Lodi CA. They say he met his end somewhere in Idaho from some strange ailment he picked up in Mongolia or was it the Midlands, England?
1962-1967 It is said he was raised by wild dingo’s in the Australian Out Back.
1967-1970 Enrolled in the French Foreign Legion ROTC in the City of Perth.
1978 moved to Southern California, USA for rumors of constant run-ins with the Australian food and drug administration for trying to find a cheap substitute for vegemite.
1980 Lost his virginity to a wild-eyed hobo woman in the LA river wash way after she promised him the “world and all the gold he could eat’
1981 R.G. had legal problems as he tried to claim the copy rights to the Cama Sutra based on his experiences in the LA River.
1984-88 was on a series of previously mentioned (in other bogs) television game shows in which he won considerable amount of money only to squander the money on lawyers
1990 Gym was ordained by the Church of the Holy (whatcha-ma-call-it) in Modesto California via mail to order out of the news paper where by earning his tidal Rev. His states that he wanted to do this because it was his life dream to perform a mass babtism. Who can blame him?
Currently he lives as my neighbor here in Bolivia raising South American gerbils for the purpose of games of chance. He is also very athletic. Right now he is training and tanning for is first Ultimate Cage fight for which he will be going to Las Vegas for next februrary. He promised me when he gets back from his trip he will let me go mask shopping with him you know those things that fit tight around ones skull and make your lips pooch out the mouth hole.. I am going to try and get him to go with the blue with gold tubing.
If you have noticed any glaring omissions they will be brought up in future blogs. They can also be addressed by comments from me and/or the readers.
I would also like to welcome Dave and Sally to the blog list. Apparently they have been chosen to be finalist in the Oprah Winfrey “Cool House Contest” or something. This is a house that Dave and Sally built together. We all hope that this goes really well for Dave and Sally as they deserve to win. Perhaps they can make Oprah look thinner when she comes over for dinner after they win the first prize by my simple suggestion. I suggest whatever room Oprah is going to be filmed in that Dave and Sally put up wall paper with longitudinal stripes. It will make her look really skinny good. Seriously though we all wish you the best. Record the show for us as we do not get Oprah on this edge of sanity…. I mean the planet.
FeO2
-All men can be reached by flattery, even God can. (What, after all, is prayer?)
-All men can be led to believe the lie they want to believe.
-All men can be corrupted, each in his own way.
Niccolo Machiavelli
So I just finished a book that belongs to a friend of mine who does not even know that I have the book.. I have heard through the grape vine that this friend reads this book on a yearly basis. Odd! It is a good book but I think I have only read a couple of books twice in my life. The title is “The Secret of Santa Vitoria”. It is about this little town in Italy that has been growing grapes and making wine for thousands of years. The time of the book is set in the early forties during the WWII era. The story is of how the people of the town hide half a million bottles of wine from the German army who have come to confiscate it for the Reich. It is an interesting tail of different views of truth and how these views work for the best of the community and the conservation of tradition and leadership.
I also went and saw a Bolivian National movie called “Evo Pueblo”. It is basically the life story of Bolivia’s current leftist indigenous president Evo Morales. The cinematography is good as well as the music. But the problem is that they paint him out to be such a nice, sweet, sensitive, and slightly shy guy. Funny they mention nothing about his syndicate boss type leadership which is rumored to be quite brutal. Anyway, as far as the movie goes I will have to give it the same critique that Tammy gave “Harry Potter”. It complete lacked cool car chase scenes, sexy love scenes although there was the part where they showed a drunk Evo going around womanizing a bunch of cholita women. But by my standards this really did not classify as sexy. There was absolutely no Karate or martial arts of any kind. Unless you want to consider a bunch of evil looking soldiers kicking Evo in the head a form of martial art. There were no cool battle robots any where to be seen. I guess what would have made the movie better is if at the end Evo would have pealed off a mask to reveal he was really Goerge W Bush. Now that would have been a rye twist a la “Usual Suspects” but perhaps everybody would have seen that one coming.
But it is a good movie to create the cult of personality that every socialist leader needs to endear him to the masses. A few in the list that were popular for doing these type of things would be Mao, Stalin, Castro, and even Hitler with “Mien Kompf”. So I have just come to calling the movie “Evo huevo”
Now moving on to other things I have finally decided to reveal to you the life and times of my good buddy Rev. Gym. Here we have compiled a sort of time line of his life. This is so one can understand different aspects of R.G. as he is further brought up in future blogs. So with out further ado:
The Life and Times of Rev. Gym
-circa 1962 Born. Sired by “Waldo” the webbed foot circus performer from Czechoslovakia who impregnated a local-yokel young lady in Western Australia on his third “World Victory” tour. His tour stops included some small piss-ass village in the Czech Republic; Perth, Australia; Branson, Mo; and Lodi CA. They say he met his end somewhere in Idaho from some strange ailment he picked up in Mongolia or was it the Midlands, England?
1962-1967 It is said he was raised by wild dingo’s in the Australian Out Back.
1967-1970 Enrolled in the French Foreign Legion ROTC in the City of Perth.
1978 moved to Southern California, USA for rumors of constant run-ins with the Australian food and drug administration for trying to find a cheap substitute for vegemite.
1980 Lost his virginity to a wild-eyed hobo woman in the LA river wash way after she promised him the “world and all the gold he could eat’
1981 R.G. had legal problems as he tried to claim the copy rights to the Cama Sutra based on his experiences in the LA River.
1984-88 was on a series of previously mentioned (in other bogs) television game shows in which he won considerable amount of money only to squander the money on lawyers
1990 Gym was ordained by the Church of the Holy (whatcha-ma-call-it) in Modesto California via mail to order out of the news paper where by earning his tidal Rev. His states that he wanted to do this because it was his life dream to perform a mass babtism. Who can blame him?
Currently he lives as my neighbor here in Bolivia raising South American gerbils for the purpose of games of chance. He is also very athletic. Right now he is training and tanning for is first Ultimate Cage fight for which he will be going to Las Vegas for next februrary. He promised me when he gets back from his trip he will let me go mask shopping with him you know those things that fit tight around ones skull and make your lips pooch out the mouth hole.. I am going to try and get him to go with the blue with gold tubing.
If you have noticed any glaring omissions they will be brought up in future blogs. They can also be addressed by comments from me and/or the readers.
I would also like to welcome Dave and Sally to the blog list. Apparently they have been chosen to be finalist in the Oprah Winfrey “Cool House Contest” or something. This is a house that Dave and Sally built together. We all hope that this goes really well for Dave and Sally as they deserve to win. Perhaps they can make Oprah look thinner when she comes over for dinner after they win the first prize by my simple suggestion. I suggest whatever room Oprah is going to be filmed in that Dave and Sally put up wall paper with longitudinal stripes. It will make her look really skinny good. Seriously though we all wish you the best. Record the show for us as we do not get Oprah on this edge of sanity…. I mean the planet.
FeO2
46) Oct. 28th 2007, Boink-Splotch-Boom!
The attached video is my friend, Sofa Loaf who was northern Bolivia doing a tour of the Bolivian Amazon Rain forest. When she got back her story was very interesting. She told me very excitedly: “It was amazing Rusty, we saw monkeys, alligators, I used corn cobs for toilet paper, we met up with this cool Israeli couple who took a bunch of pictures of me and put me on their web site, and I was famous, I fell off my bicycle, then we went to band camp……”. All I could think in my mind was “Whoa-whoa-whoa you did NOT tell them you were a model!” I can see it all in my head now. The scene -Sofa with her friends “I know you guys are all Israeli and the ‘Chosen’ (quotation fingers flickering around) or what ever (eyes rolling). But HELLO (slender fingers jabbing the air around her head with eye brows popping up and down ‘bink-bink-bink’ [cool Sponge Bobish sound effects]) Golden girl over here!” So as you have already inferred Sofa is a bathing suit champion. That is why I call her the “Champ”. But I have a lot of respect for the Champ. I mean how many girls like the Champ can actually say they have shat in the woods (ala Bill Bryson author of “A walk in the woods” who on a side note is a ‘Gonzo Journalist’ much like I fancy myself, cool read, btw)?
Going off on yet a different tangent, have you ever noticed that when you are about to do something like camping, people seem to like to give you random weird advice before you go. Stuff like “when you gotta…you know… go number two what you do is put your hand behind your knee just before you squat. This way when you actually go down into your squat you won’t fall back in your own pooh.” What the hell kinda advice is that!
I will admit the Champ did kick ass but also apparently got her own ass kicked as well. She took a dive off her bike to keep from flying off a cliff on the side road to Coroico. My advice here is: although jumping off the bike may be very exciting, a simple casual steering away from the cliff usually has a much less ass kicking effect. Either way this is a very scary road. It has been deemed one of the most dangerous roads in the world. The road is basically a narrow shelf cut out of the side of a thousand foot (or better) cliff. I remember as a child sitting in a truck as it went down this road and parts of the road were so narrow that when you looked out the window you could actually see half a dually spinning over pure air. It’s enough to make you vomit.
So here is a good analogy for you Sponge Bob fans if you remember the episode where the Flying Dutch Man unzips a random sipper suspended in mid air and throws Squidward into “the fly of eternity” for being insolent and then spirals into a psychodelic abyss. Well this is what almost happened to the Champ, she was almost hurled into “the fly of eternity”
In closing let me give you some of my own random camping advice. When you are alone in the jungle at night and you are slightly scared sound your Sponge Bob siren “Weeeeoooo-weeeeooo-weeeeooooo” and you will feel a lot better. It really works. ”bink-bink-bink and a wink”
FeO2
PS: Argie thanks Sofa for taking the pressure off.
Going off on yet a different tangent, have you ever noticed that when you are about to do something like camping, people seem to like to give you random weird advice before you go. Stuff like “when you gotta…you know… go number two what you do is put your hand behind your knee just before you squat. This way when you actually go down into your squat you won’t fall back in your own pooh.” What the hell kinda advice is that!
I will admit the Champ did kick ass but also apparently got her own ass kicked as well. She took a dive off her bike to keep from flying off a cliff on the side road to Coroico. My advice here is: although jumping off the bike may be very exciting, a simple casual steering away from the cliff usually has a much less ass kicking effect. Either way this is a very scary road. It has been deemed one of the most dangerous roads in the world. The road is basically a narrow shelf cut out of the side of a thousand foot (or better) cliff. I remember as a child sitting in a truck as it went down this road and parts of the road were so narrow that when you looked out the window you could actually see half a dually spinning over pure air. It’s enough to make you vomit.
So here is a good analogy for you Sponge Bob fans if you remember the episode where the Flying Dutch Man unzips a random sipper suspended in mid air and throws Squidward into “the fly of eternity” for being insolent and then spirals into a psychodelic abyss. Well this is what almost happened to the Champ, she was almost hurled into “the fly of eternity”
In closing let me give you some of my own random camping advice. When you are alone in the jungle at night and you are slightly scared sound your Sponge Bob siren “Weeeeoooo-weeeeooo-weeeeooooo” and you will feel a lot better. It really works. ”bink-bink-bink and a wink”
FeO2
PS: Argie thanks Sofa for taking the pressure off.
# 45 Oct. 31- Nov. 2, 2007, His grace is sufficient
I think that it went something like this….
First I wrote:
The time has come for me to introduce my good friend Argie to you. That is "Argie" pronounced to rhyme with Margie, short for Margaret who was the cousin of Joe French who acted side by side with Robert Duval and Kevin Bacon in a short in the early seventies. Hey, we just played the "Kevin Bacon Game"! The past time in which all events no matter how big or small always lead back to Kevin.
A'hoo, I made the mistake of inviting Argie to the house blessing we had this last Sunday at my house. Every thing was going smoothly until Father Walter asked me to help with communion. I obliged was at the cup serving the faithful as they lined up in front of me. So for once I was having a serious moment in my life when I looked up to see my friend Argie standing there in front of me. My first thought what "What the hell!" Then my second thought was now here is a man who is getting a lot of miles off of infant baptism. Then I saw that he had his usual evil glint in his eye and he said as he took the cup "Stop me if I try to make it through this line again!" So what you would have heard if you standing next to me was "This is the blood (Argie's interruption)….. [smirk-snicker]…..uhhh…fucking Argie!" It was at this point when I had just desecrated the cup and the blackness of the situation settled over me. Dude! If anybody deserves to go to hell its Argie not me. He provoked me. Besides everybody in my family is ordained accept me and the friggin' dog and now thanks to Jill and Gym I am now aware that even my dog "Ginsberg" is now eligible for ordination thank you very much! (Speaking of which I will get to work on immediately, insurance that you just cant buy!) This must me worth at least a back door pass or something into paradise.
Any way I have a quotable quote for ya all! It comes from a Woody Allen movie I tried to watch last night. I have to admit that I am not getting through movies very well these days. I always get too board or I get really tired. But I stayed awake to here the following quote: "The best thing about masturbation is the cuddling afterwards!" Put your hands together for Mr. Woody Allen everybody!
Then Dan wrote:
Okay, first: was this just so shameful on Jim's part that you had to make up a second fictional name for him, even as you refer to Gym later in the post? Funny.
Then Rusty wrote:
Is it really that obvious that this has been about Gym the whole time? I could not use Gym in the later part because it would have given everything away had I used his new alias. Anybody paying attention would have matched up the Jill and Gym reference straight to Argie!
I have a confession to make. Last night I had a dream that I wrote this same blog out on a piece of paper and handed it to Gym for a proof read. As he read the first couple of lines he got this disgusted look on his face and then handed it back to me. At this time I woke up. Even though I ussually wake up around this time I felt a little more guilty than ussual because my thoughts were with Gym. Even so I will at least continue to protect Jim's privacy by using his first alias Gym.
Be all this as it may, perhaps we should not be talking about somebody who is not in the country to defend himself. Do you think we should wait Dan?
FeO2
Then Tammy wrote:
On a pertinent side note to the matter at hand, I think things may soon be getting to the point that Dan may want/desperately need some kind of alias cover for his own protection, especially if he continues to make such direct (and low) blows (no sexual innuendo intended) at Gym - even though Gym (the Rev., that is) may be able to wield some type of ecclesial excommunication threats at Dan to get him to back down a bit . . . or, now that I think of it, at the Captian yourself, which, in your case and as your loving wife, I will do my best to counter with my ordianed authority in the Anglican realm, which may or may not be greater than that vested by Modesto . . . ).
Anywhoo, any ideas? I suggest Danm.
xxoo,
(the reverend) tammy
Then LeMel wrote:
As the only other family member not ordained - I resemble that remark!!!
Then Gray wrote:
Where’s Jim gone then?
Then Rusty wrote:
It's not Jim its Rev. Gym damn it! Are you forgetting that we are trying to protect Rev. Gyms privacy?!?! How would you like it if I called you Gray all the time in the e-mails I am talking about you instead of using your pseudo name "Offwhitie".
A'yhoo, nobody is quite sure where Gym is at the present moment. Some say he is off searching for the perfect rolled oat in the West, perhaps he has gone North to challenge his arch nemesis Gorge W. to a game of chess at the gates of hell itself a la "Faust". Yet others have insinuated that he has gone east to learn to master the secrets the legendary self inflicted ancient Chinese triple "O". But one thing is for sure where ever he is the mythical nymphs of Shang-Ping-Wa will be dancing around the leaping fires of Zanadoo!
And you can take that one to the bank!
FeO2
Then Dan wrote referring to the attached pic:
My personal pseudonym preference would be to be named by a symbol, like Prince used to do, and I'd like my symbol to be that badass Faust picture!As regards whether such an alias is necessary for my own wellbeing now, I will point out in my defense - take note, Rev. Gym - that I was present for the desecration in question, which is why I knew who Argie was, and my original email was only to El Capitan. The latter then decided to respond to everyone, even dragging my poor wife into the picture! So, now that I've turned this full on into a passage out of an Umberto Eco novel, I'll retire back into passive readership, and start watching the blog for references to. Signed,
Then Jo-shmo wrote:
I am in the middle of a conversation that I so don't understand...as interesting as it sounds, how do I catch up????Is there an archive somewhere??? Will I just have to stay lost forever??? Jo
Then Rusty writes:
I am here to enlighten all!!
FeO2
First I wrote:
The time has come for me to introduce my good friend Argie to you. That is "Argie" pronounced to rhyme with Margie, short for Margaret who was the cousin of Joe French who acted side by side with Robert Duval and Kevin Bacon in a short in the early seventies. Hey, we just played the "Kevin Bacon Game"! The past time in which all events no matter how big or small always lead back to Kevin.
A'hoo, I made the mistake of inviting Argie to the house blessing we had this last Sunday at my house. Every thing was going smoothly until Father Walter asked me to help with communion. I obliged was at the cup serving the faithful as they lined up in front of me. So for once I was having a serious moment in my life when I looked up to see my friend Argie standing there in front of me. My first thought what "What the hell!" Then my second thought was now here is a man who is getting a lot of miles off of infant baptism. Then I saw that he had his usual evil glint in his eye and he said as he took the cup "Stop me if I try to make it through this line again!" So what you would have heard if you standing next to me was "This is the blood (Argie's interruption)….. [smirk-snicker]…..uhhh…fucking Argie!" It was at this point when I had just desecrated the cup and the blackness of the situation settled over me. Dude! If anybody deserves to go to hell its Argie not me. He provoked me. Besides everybody in my family is ordained accept me and the friggin' dog and now thanks to Jill and Gym I am now aware that even my dog "Ginsberg" is now eligible for ordination thank you very much! (Speaking of which I will get to work on immediately, insurance that you just cant buy!) This must me worth at least a back door pass or something into paradise.
Any way I have a quotable quote for ya all! It comes from a Woody Allen movie I tried to watch last night. I have to admit that I am not getting through movies very well these days. I always get too board or I get really tired. But I stayed awake to here the following quote: "The best thing about masturbation is the cuddling afterwards!" Put your hands together for Mr. Woody Allen everybody!
Then Dan wrote:
Okay, first: was this just so shameful on Jim's part that you had to make up a second fictional name for him, even as you refer to Gym later in the post? Funny.
Then Rusty wrote:
Is it really that obvious that this has been about Gym the whole time? I could not use Gym in the later part because it would have given everything away had I used his new alias. Anybody paying attention would have matched up the Jill and Gym reference straight to Argie!
I have a confession to make. Last night I had a dream that I wrote this same blog out on a piece of paper and handed it to Gym for a proof read. As he read the first couple of lines he got this disgusted look on his face and then handed it back to me. At this time I woke up. Even though I ussually wake up around this time I felt a little more guilty than ussual because my thoughts were with Gym. Even so I will at least continue to protect Jim's privacy by using his first alias Gym.
Be all this as it may, perhaps we should not be talking about somebody who is not in the country to defend himself. Do you think we should wait Dan?
FeO2
Then Tammy wrote:
On a pertinent side note to the matter at hand, I think things may soon be getting to the point that Dan may want/desperately need some kind of alias cover for his own protection, especially if he continues to make such direct (and low) blows (no sexual innuendo intended) at Gym - even though Gym (the Rev., that is) may be able to wield some type of ecclesial excommunication threats at Dan to get him to back down a bit . . . or, now that I think of it, at the Captian yourself, which, in your case and as your loving wife, I will do my best to counter with my ordianed authority in the Anglican realm, which may or may not be greater than that vested by Modesto . . . ).
Anywhoo, any ideas? I suggest Danm.
xxoo,
(the reverend) tammy
Then LeMel wrote:
As the only other family member not ordained - I resemble that remark!!!
Then Gray wrote:
Where’s Jim gone then?
Then Rusty wrote:
It's not Jim its Rev. Gym damn it! Are you forgetting that we are trying to protect Rev. Gyms privacy?!?! How would you like it if I called you Gray all the time in the e-mails I am talking about you instead of using your pseudo name "Offwhitie".
A'yhoo, nobody is quite sure where Gym is at the present moment. Some say he is off searching for the perfect rolled oat in the West, perhaps he has gone North to challenge his arch nemesis Gorge W. to a game of chess at the gates of hell itself a la "Faust". Yet others have insinuated that he has gone east to learn to master the secrets the legendary self inflicted ancient Chinese triple "O". But one thing is for sure where ever he is the mythical nymphs of Shang-Ping-Wa will be dancing around the leaping fires of Zanadoo!
And you can take that one to the bank!
FeO2
Then Dan wrote referring to the attached pic:
My personal pseudonym preference would be to be named by a symbol, like Prince used to do, and I'd like my symbol to be that badass Faust picture!As regards whether such an alias is necessary for my own wellbeing now, I will point out in my defense - take note, Rev. Gym - that I was present for the desecration in question, which is why I knew who Argie was, and my original email was only to El Capitan. The latter then decided to respond to everyone, even dragging my poor wife into the picture! So, now that I've turned this full on into a passage out of an Umberto Eco novel, I'll retire back into passive readership, and start watching the blog for references to
Then Jo-shmo wrote:
I am in the middle of a conversation that I so don't understand...as interesting as it sounds, how do I catch up????Is there an archive somewhere??? Will I just have to stay lost forever??? Jo
Then Rusty writes:
I am here to enlighten all!!
FeO2
# 44 October 25, 2007
So about 4 months ago I introduced all of you to my new father-in-law Jack. He is really cool and like me he is a really big Il Divo fan. When you meet the man he will most likely tell you a really cool story about how he is descended from the first white man to be lynched in the state of Ohio. Luckily the Native Americans allowed this ancestor to live but the did unspeakable things to his powdered whig…so my father-in-law tells the story. But in the end he got his whig back and it has now been passed down from father to son for many generations now. Jack and all his forefathers have worn this savaged and ravaged whig with pride to every social event that includes a member of this distinguished line. I am told, though, that the pink deck slippers have been an invention of recent generations as they are used in the warding off of crazed bikers. (see last 4th of July blog) How this all fits into Il Divo I do not know but Jack and I have a song. This song we had often sung together when we were in the car back in Florida together. I thought I would write down the lyrics (as Jack does not know what the hell he is singing cz his Spanish is limited) and translate them for him. I also thought it would be nice for you guys to share in our festive musical joy. Please remember that I am not a professional translator.
Enjoy!
IL DIVO LYRICS"Without You (Desde El Dia Que Te Fuiste)"[SEB:]Me dijiste que te ibas
You said that my pants were on fire
y tus labios sonreian
I saw your lips moving
mas tus ojos eran trozos del dolor
but I could only concéntrate on your crazy glass eye[DAVID:]No quise hablar
I didn’t want to say anything
sólo al final te dije adiós
but finally I had to laugh
sólo adiós
offered you a peanut.[CARLOS:]Yo no sé si fue el orgullo
Yet you flew into a drunken rage!
o a que cosa lo atribuyo
I tried to contain you
te deje partir sintiendo tanto amor
and now it is just like making love out of nothing at all![URS:]Tal vez hacia falta sólo un "por favor, detente amor"
This morning I woke with this pain, so I went to the dentist.[CARLOS:]No se vivir sino es contigo
He said the pain was from a rotten root.
No se, no tengo valor
But I really know it is cz I have no values[DAVID:]No se vivir sino es contigo
I do not know if I should do something about this
no se, no se ni quien soy
or just get my friggin’ tooth drilled[SEB:]Desde el dia que te fuiste
Sometimes I wonder what you would say
tengo el alma más que triste
but I know that you have become such a tart
y mañana sé muy bien va a ser peor
and tomarrow it Hill just be worse[URS:]como olvidar ese mirar desolador, queda amor
Since I started singing this song I lost my train of thought but I think it was about my love for you or was it about dinner last night?[CARLOS:]No se vivir sino es contigo
I do not know which is which
no se, no tengo valor
and I don’t know what that last smell was but I’m blaming it on you!
no se vivir sino es contigo
I’m still diggin’ on the snaggletooth necklace you wear every day
no se, no se ni quien soy
I don’t even know who I am
no se, no tengo valor
pop your glass eyeball out again![repeat to fade]
Have a great weekend!
FeO2
Enjoy!
IL DIVO LYRICS"Without You (Desde El Dia Que Te Fuiste)"[SEB:]Me dijiste que te ibas
You said that my pants were on fire
y tus labios sonreian
I saw your lips moving
mas tus ojos eran trozos del dolor
but I could only concéntrate on your crazy glass eye[DAVID:]No quise hablar
I didn’t want to say anything
sólo al final te dije adiós
but finally I had to laugh
sólo adiós
offered you a peanut.[CARLOS:]Yo no sé si fue el orgullo
Yet you flew into a drunken rage!
o a que cosa lo atribuyo
I tried to contain you
te deje partir sintiendo tanto amor
and now it is just like making love out of nothing at all![URS:]Tal vez hacia falta sólo un "por favor, detente amor"
This morning I woke with this pain, so I went to the dentist.[CARLOS:]No se vivir sino es contigo
He said the pain was from a rotten root.
No se, no tengo valor
But I really know it is cz I have no values[DAVID:]No se vivir sino es contigo
I do not know if I should do something about this
no se, no se ni quien soy
or just get my friggin’ tooth drilled[SEB:]Desde el dia que te fuiste
Sometimes I wonder what you would say
tengo el alma más que triste
but I know that you have become such a tart
y mañana sé muy bien va a ser peor
and tomarrow it Hill just be worse[URS:]como olvidar ese mirar desolador, queda amor
Since I started singing this song I lost my train of thought but I think it was about my love for you or was it about dinner last night?[CARLOS:]No se vivir sino es contigo
I do not know which is which
no se, no tengo valor
and I don’t know what that last smell was but I’m blaming it on you!
no se vivir sino es contigo
I’m still diggin’ on the snaggletooth necklace you wear every day
no se, no se ni quien soy
I don’t even know who I am
no se, no tengo valor
pop your glass eyeball out again![repeat to fade]
Have a great weekend!
FeO2
# 43 24th of Oct. 2007, Devil Winds, Firestorms, and the Valley of the Shadow
Yesterday Tammy informed me that she talked to her mother and was asked what it was that we wanted out of her house before she left. The only qualifications were that what ever it was that we wanted had to be able to fit in her small Toyota Paseo. We chose what was possible of just pictures and memories. How do you pack your life into a small car? I guess for me it is not so bad as I have done this several times in my own life but when you are 73 years old this is a very different decision. One that has to be made fast as a wall of fire is heading your way.
Apparently this is a decision that is being made by now a million Southern Californians and counting. I just wanted to say that our thoughts and prayers go with all of you. Find a hand to hold and know that you are not alone.
FeO2
Apparently this is a decision that is being made by now a million Southern Californians and counting. I just wanted to say that our thoughts and prayers go with all of you. Find a hand to hold and know that you are not alone.
FeO2
42)Oct. 16th, 2007, Morphine, Chocolate, and More Cannon Fodder
Sunday I was having a conversation with my good buddy Gym. We were talking about this and that when randomly Gym mentioned the first mass baptism that he presided over. Maybe it was not so random cz I probably talking about the impending ordination of my father. Yah I am sure that was it. Anyhoo I was probably going on about how my father also thought when I was an adolescent it would be good if I studied theology of some sort but I never did. So instead of being ordained myself my father is now doing it for the second time for me (a good way of brushing away loose ground, if you will). But this time it will be in the Anglican Church. Which actually I think is a pretty good compromise. Anyway Gym popped the information that he had been ordained by mail order by some church in Modesto, California. Apparently this entitles him to Baptisms, marriages and funerals. Upon hearing this I may have spit out what ever was in my mouth which I am sure had some kind of alcoholic base. At first I was appalled but then the real genius of this sunk in (as revelations tend to do) I new he was right.
I now look at my ex-hippy friend Gym with a new respect. He will be now be referred as Rev. Gym in all future e-mails and not so much as Capt. Gym or Generalisismo Sancho Juancho. But, of course, it will all depend on reference. Although this made me reconsider once again that maybe I really should replace my relationships with morphine and chocolate cz I can’t take this pain anymore.
Feo2
Perhaps this dog has gone on to ordain other dogs as well. Perhaps there is a community by now. Boy! I wonder if this is the first time that Rev. Gym has ever had a dog colleague. Of course there was the time he volunteered for NASA for some extra cash and they put him in that capsule with that monkey. When the monkey pushed the right buttons dried nuts and fruit came out of a dispenser. But when gym pushed the correct buttons he got some drug mechanically injected into his leg. Of course this was some kind of experimental drug so Rev. Gym got the benefits of both worlds and NASA killed 2 birds with one stone.
Any way did you know that Rev. Gym kicked Father Mokayhee off of the TV game show "Tick Tack Doe" back in the 70's? Apparently the good Father was trying to make money for an orphanage and had a pretty good run and was almost to meet his needed amount for the poor kids. But after Rev. Gyms victory he said he just needed to "Get the hell out of town"!
Also Tammy will be having some of her friends over to the house for a girl’s night in. I was told that definitely no Rustys allowed. This makes me miss you and Juhie and the others cz I know that “The Fatties” would defiantly show more grace to me.
FeO2
I now look at my ex-hippy friend Gym with a new respect. He will be now be referred as Rev. Gym in all future e-mails and not so much as Capt. Gym or Generalisismo Sancho Juancho. But, of course, it will all depend on reference. Although this made me reconsider once again that maybe I really should replace my relationships with morphine and chocolate cz I can’t take this pain anymore.
Feo2
Perhaps this dog has gone on to ordain other dogs as well. Perhaps there is a community by now. Boy! I wonder if this is the first time that Rev. Gym has ever had a dog colleague. Of course there was the time he volunteered for NASA for some extra cash and they put him in that capsule with that monkey. When the monkey pushed the right buttons dried nuts and fruit came out of a dispenser. But when gym pushed the correct buttons he got some drug mechanically injected into his leg. Of course this was some kind of experimental drug so Rev. Gym got the benefits of both worlds and NASA killed 2 birds with one stone.
Any way did you know that Rev. Gym kicked Father Mokayhee off of the TV game show "Tick Tack Doe" back in the 70's? Apparently the good Father was trying to make money for an orphanage and had a pretty good run and was almost to meet his needed amount for the poor kids. But after Rev. Gyms victory he said he just needed to "Get the hell out of town"!
Also Tammy will be having some of her friends over to the house for a girl’s night in. I was told that definitely no Rustys allowed. This makes me miss you and Juhie and the others cz I know that “The Fatties” would defiantly show more grace to me.
FeO2
# 41 Oct. 14th,2007.
So I went to a concert this evening. The band name is Molotov. This is a group that is mostly Mexican and does performances in mostly Latin America as their songs are mostly in Spanish but also has stuff mixed in English and Spanish as they are chicanos. The music would be something like Norteno-punk meets Nirvana hip-hop. Any way as they were doing their set one of the local modeling agencies ( I guess for some contracting reasons) had all their models come up on stage and dance, The local modeling agency is called “Chicas Premier”. This happened for one song and then the girls went off stage. Then about 2 songs later the girls were scheduled to come back on. As the starved looking girls came back on the lead singer of the band then started inviting girls from the audience to come on as well. Of course some of the girls that came on were not quite as skinny as the models, in fact some were quite over weight. To put it frankly they were not perfect or even butchered by some plastic surgeon. They were just the girls next door Anyway instead of just swaying their asses back and forth like the models were doing they started busting moves that totally drove the crowd crazy. At this point they completely stole the show from the models. I found this to be completely awesome and to be perhaps one of the best parts of the act. So I tip my hat to Molotov for stating that what all of us boys have really been saying for years and that is “we want the girl next door’. We do not want to be told by some perverted modeling agency what is “hot”. We know what we like and it may not always be “camera ready” but it is what satisfies us. Molotov Rocks!!!!
FeO2
FeO2
# 40
So lately I have been thinking more along the philosophical side of mortality. This last week I read “Do Androids Dream of Electrical Sheep?” the novel that the movie Blade Runner was based on. Very cool read! So as I got to the end of this book I started thinking about life and death. I was wondering how exactly I will handle this subject as future situations present themselves. In doing all this I came up with a game plan. So I will share it with you all.
For some reason I thought of my mother-in-law Irene first. I decided that the best plan for her when her time comes is to deal with my grief and loss in the following fashion: first I plan to break down in the viewing line and start wailing like a lunatic. At this time family and close ones will be obliged to move me down the line. I will reluctantly move along but at the last moment I will run back to the coffin and throw my arms around my cold dead mother-in-law and wave my fist toward the church ceiling and yell with briny tears running down my emaciated face “WHY GOD…WHY!!! WHY COULD YOU NOT HAVE TAKIN’ ME INSTEAD! BAH-HAH-HAH (sob-sob, heave-heave)”. Then at this time the same people who moved me on before will have to pull me off the coffin and move me down the church isle. Then about half way down the isle I am going to break loose once again and tear back down to the coffin and latch my person to the vessel of mortality. When they come to get me the third time they will pull me and the coffin that I am still clinging to down the isle until I loose my grip and leave grand screeching, scratch marks on the wood lid. Once loose they will have to take me into some back room and secure me with the skating-cigar-smoking monkeys, dancing poodles, and juggling hippies that I will personally contract for the reception after the funeral.
This is the general performance I plan on producing with my other mother-in-law Audrey and my regular mother as well. With Jack my father-in-law I plan on doing the same thing slightly different to increase the drama. Perhaps I will recruit the talents of Jacks son Gavin to hold the garden hose spray over me to create the gloominess of rain and perhaps Tammy can stand off to the side and raddle around full- spine radiographs to simulate the sound of thunder. I am still working on somebody to do the lighting flashes. If there are any readers who have any ideas or want to volunteer other services they would be much welcomed. As for my father I plan on just putting him into an orange crate and nailing it shut. Then I will set him a drift in Lake Titicaca. This will be close to where he was born and I think he would probably appreciate this best.
If my children would even have half this consideration for me I would be smiling as I cross that river
Have a great week!.
FeO2
So it has been several days since I sent out the attached picture and I have gotten a variety of responses. Feel that I really must address one particular response though. This is the one that I got from Anastasia. She stated something about the attached picture being the result of Craig and Jorge doing one of their prolonged spooning sessions. I of course did not want to get involved in this exchange as I thought this would be the wisest move for me at that particular moment in time. This was my mindset until Craig tried to throw me into the “manwitch” by saying that it was me who got HIM involved. At this point I will neither confirm nor deny this allegation but I do have one thing to say in my defense. So my official statement is: “I went into that airport bathroom stall to use it for its original intended use!” When I got in there it was Jorge and Craig who surrounded me in both opposite stalls started franticly kicking the hell out of my ankles. The last thing I remember was hearing Craigs voice yelling “Oooooooweee, sumbitch!” along with Mitch standing outside the stall pounding on the door demanding his turn.
So as anyone can clearly see it is obvious where the blame should be laid.
Have a great weekend!
FeO2
For some reason I thought of my mother-in-law Irene first. I decided that the best plan for her when her time comes is to deal with my grief and loss in the following fashion: first I plan to break down in the viewing line and start wailing like a lunatic. At this time family and close ones will be obliged to move me down the line. I will reluctantly move along but at the last moment I will run back to the coffin and throw my arms around my cold dead mother-in-law and wave my fist toward the church ceiling and yell with briny tears running down my emaciated face “WHY GOD…WHY!!! WHY COULD YOU NOT HAVE TAKIN’ ME INSTEAD! BAH-HAH-HAH (sob-sob, heave-heave)”. Then at this time the same people who moved me on before will have to pull me off the coffin and move me down the church isle. Then about half way down the isle I am going to break loose once again and tear back down to the coffin and latch my person to the vessel of mortality. When they come to get me the third time they will pull me and the coffin that I am still clinging to down the isle until I loose my grip and leave grand screeching, scratch marks on the wood lid. Once loose they will have to take me into some back room and secure me with the skating-cigar-smoking monkeys, dancing poodles, and juggling hippies that I will personally contract for the reception after the funeral.
This is the general performance I plan on producing with my other mother-in-law Audrey and my regular mother as well. With Jack my father-in-law I plan on doing the same thing slightly different to increase the drama. Perhaps I will recruit the talents of Jacks son Gavin to hold the garden hose spray over me to create the gloominess of rain and perhaps Tammy can stand off to the side and raddle around full- spine radiographs to simulate the sound of thunder. I am still working on somebody to do the lighting flashes. If there are any readers who have any ideas or want to volunteer other services they would be much welcomed. As for my father I plan on just putting him into an orange crate and nailing it shut. Then I will set him a drift in Lake Titicaca. This will be close to where he was born and I think he would probably appreciate this best.
If my children would even have half this consideration for me I would be smiling as I cross that river
Have a great week!.
FeO2
So it has been several days since I sent out the attached picture and I have gotten a variety of responses. Feel that I really must address one particular response though. This is the one that I got from Anastasia. She stated something about the attached picture being the result of Craig and Jorge doing one of their prolonged spooning sessions. I of course did not want to get involved in this exchange as I thought this would be the wisest move for me at that particular moment in time. This was my mindset until Craig tried to throw me into the “manwitch” by saying that it was me who got HIM involved. At this point I will neither confirm nor deny this allegation but I do have one thing to say in my defense. So my official statement is: “I went into that airport bathroom stall to use it for its original intended use!” When I got in there it was Jorge and Craig who surrounded me in both opposite stalls started franticly kicking the hell out of my ankles. The last thing I remember was hearing Craigs voice yelling “Oooooooweee, sumbitch!” along with Mitch standing outside the stall pounding on the door demanding his turn.
So as anyone can clearly see it is obvious where the blame should be laid.
Have a great weekend!
FeO2
# 39 08/Oct./07
39) 08/Oct./07
Captains Blog; Playing chess with the Devil.
So lately I have been thinking more along the philosophical side of mortality. This last week I read “Do Androids Dream of Electrical Sheep?” the novel that the movie Blade Runner was based on. Very cool read! So as I got to the end of this book I started thinking about life and death. I was wondering how exactly I will handle this subject as future situations present themselves. In doing all this I came up with a game plan. So I will share it with you all.
For some reason I thought of my mother-in-law Irene first. I decided that the best plan for her when her time comes is to deal with my grief and loss in the following fashion: first I plan to break down in the viewing line and start wailing like a lunatic. At this time family and close ones will be obliged to move me down the line. I will reluctantly move along but at the last moment I will run back to the coffin and throw my arms around my cold dead mother-in-law and wave my fist toward the church ceiling and yell with briny tears running down my emaciated face “WHY GOD…WHY!!! WHY COULD YOU NOT HAVE TAKIN’ ME INSTEAD! BAH-HAH-HAH (sob-sob, heave-heave)”. Then at this time the same people who moved me on before will have to pull me off the coffin and move me down the church isle. Then about half way down the isle I am going to break loose once again and tear back down to the coffin and latch my person to the vessel of mortality. When they come to get me the third time they will pull me and the coffin that I am still clinging to down the isle until I loose my grip and leave grand screeching, scratch marks on the wood lid. Once loose they will have to take me into some back room and secure me with the skating-cigar-smoking monkeys, dancing poodles, and juggling hippies that I will personally contract for the reception after the funeral.
This is the general performance I plan on producing with my other mother-in-law Audrey and my regular mother as well. With Jack my father-in-law I plan on doing the same thing slightly different to increase the drama. Perhaps I will recruit the talents of Jacks son Gavin to hold the garden hose spray over me to create the gloominess of rain and perhaps Tammy can stand off to the side and raddle around full- spine radiographs to simulate the sound of thunder. I am still working on somebody to do the lighting flashes. If there are any readers who have any ideas or want to volunteer other services they would be much welcomed. As for my father I plan on just putting him into an orange crate and nailing it shut. Then I will set him a drift in Lake Titicaca. This will be close to where he was born and I think he would probably appreciate this best.
If my children would even have half this consideration for me I would be smiling as I cross that river
Have a great week!.
FeO2
39) 08/Oct./07
Captains Blog; Playing chess with the Devil.
So lately I have been thinking more along the philosophical side of mortality. This last week I read “Do Androids Dream of Electrical Sheep?” the novel that the movie Blade Runner was based on. Very cool read! So as I got to the end of this book I started thinking about life and death. I was wondering how exactly I will handle this subject as future situations present themselves. In doing all this I came up with a game plan. So I will share it with you all.
For some reason I thought of my mother-in-law Irene first. I decided that the best plan for her when her time comes is to deal with my grief and loss in the following fashion: first I plan to break down in the viewing line and start wailing like a lunatic. At this time family and close ones will be obliged to move me down the line. I will reluctantly move along but at the last moment I will run back to the coffin and throw my arms around my cold dead mother-in-law and wave my fist toward the church ceiling and yell with briny tears running down my emaciated face “WHY GOD…WHY!!! WHY COULD YOU NOT HAVE TAKIN’ ME INSTEAD! BAH-HAH-HAH (sob-sob, heave-heave)”. Then at this time the same people who moved me on before will have to pull me off the coffin and move me down the church isle. Then about half way down the isle I am going to break loose once again and tear back down to the coffin and latch my person to the vessel of mortality. When they come to get me the third time they will pull me and the coffin that I am still clinging to down the isle until I loose my grip and leave grand screeching, scratch marks on the wood lid. Once loose they will have to take me into some back room and secure me with the skating-cigar-smoking monkeys, dancing poodles, and juggling hippies that I will personally contract for the reception after the funeral.
This is the general performance I plan on producing with my other mother-in-law Audrey and my regular mother as well. With Jack my father-in-law I plan on doing the same thing slightly different to increase the drama. Perhaps I will recruit the talents of Jacks son Gavin to hold the garden hose spray over me to create the gloominess of rain and perhaps Tammy can stand off to the side and raddle around full- spine radiographs to simulate the sound of thunder. I am still working on somebody to do the lighting flashes. If there are any readers who have any ideas or want to volunteer other services they would be much welcomed. As for my father I plan on just putting him into an orange crate and nailing it shut. Then I will set him a drift in Lake Titicaca. This will be close to where he was born and I think he would probably appreciate this best.
If my children would even have half this consideration for me I would be smiling as I cross that river
Have a great week!.
FeO2
# 37 Sept. 21, 2007
So the other day was hanging out with some friends just talking and watching the kids swim in the pool when somebody started talking about a “Pleasure Party”. In my mind I started thinking “What the hell is a ‘Pleasure Party’”. I of course just nodded and pretended like I was “in the know”. So later I went to the internet to do some official investigation. Apparently a “Pleasure Party” is when a bunch of women all get together to MASTURBATE! Last I heard when guys do this type of thing we are generaly…I mean the guys who do this type of thing are generally called “Circle-jerking Perverts” . Ah yes, brings back many a happy memory of my days in Mexico. Anyhoo, I guess there is more of a “Tupper wear Party“ aspect to the female version of the “Circle Jerk” In many of these parties they bring catalogs of sex toys. So they trade, share and give each other advice. In fact in one of the pages I visited they had a career opportunity section. This opportunity was to become a Pleasure Party Consultant. They asked “Would you like to meet new people?” Why…yes I would. “Would you like to have fun while you work?” Indeed, who wouldn’t! “Are you an exciting person?” Very excitable! So off I sent for the books and materials to certify myself as a “Professional Pleasure Party Consultant” So if anybody out there needs my services I should be ready to go very soon.
HAPPY FIRST DAY OF SPRING EVERYBODY!
FeO2
38) 03/Oct./07
Mr. Proctor was a kind man-powerful in body, even tempered, and not easily led.
Mary Warren: Oh! I’m just going home, Mr. Proctor.
Proctor: Be you foolish, Mary Warren? Be you deaf? I (forbade) you to leave the house, did I not? Why shall I pay you? I am looking for you more often than my cows!
Mary Warren: I only come to see the great doings of the world.
Proctor: I’ll show you a great doin’ on your arse one of these days……
This weeks quotable-quote came from Arther Millers “The Crucible”, Act One, “An Overture
FeO2
HAPPY FIRST DAY OF SPRING EVERYBODY!
FeO2
38) 03/Oct./07
Mr. Proctor was a kind man-powerful in body, even tempered, and not easily led.
Mary Warren: Oh! I’m just going home, Mr. Proctor.
Proctor: Be you foolish, Mary Warren? Be you deaf? I (forbade) you to leave the house, did I not? Why shall I pay you? I am looking for you more often than my cows!
Mary Warren: I only come to see the great doings of the world.
Proctor: I’ll show you a great doin’ on your arse one of these days……
This weeks quotable-quote came from Arther Millers “The Crucible”, Act One, “An Overture
FeO2
# 36 September 3rd, 2007
Captains Blog: Fire in the hole!
As you all know it has been a while since I have sent out a blog. I have been very busy as of late. I just had a mission group of chiropractors. Anyway, I have also has “Bloggers Block”. It is usually in times like this I turn to Air supply for inspiration.
Anyhow, our mission group was a combined group with a part from LA and the other from Quebec. It was lots of fun and an extra ordinary time. Most of the group was made up of students. I always have a lot of fun with students. They usually are the most flexible people to work with. So flexible I had one student show me how she could jump up in the air and kick her self in the head. A formidable talent on any account. Once she showed us this act of heroism she then became one of the most popular girls on the trip.
“I can make the run or stumble, I can make the final block;And I can make every tackle, at the sound of the whistle,I can make all the stadiums rock.”
There were several guys in the group who decided that they would pay solid North American currency just for the chance to be kicked in the head by her. I, on the other hand decided that I needed to conserve as many brain cells as possible as there has been enough loss in the past for completely different reasons. Once word got around on this particular side show more young women came out to state that they as well possessed this particular god given gift. The other talents that were discovered on this trip were the raw muscular strength showed by one of the other trip participants. Although I was not present at the particular moment this young man in the midst of gastro spasms and paroxysms was able to pull a toilet seat clean off the floor.
“Do you really want to see me crawl?”
All were very impressed, I must say.
I will never forget the gentle sonorous snoring of my good friend Tony though. Gin (his roommate) also comes to mind when I think of Tony.
“I can make tonight forever, Or I can make it disappear by the dawn;And I can make you every promise that has ever been made,And I can make all your demons be gone.”
There are still a few questions that still remain in my mind though. One is it that whenever I would say that new French phrase that I learned from Sandra, Andie and Mari-a-Sol…why would this always provoke Mitch into a groping frenzy with me as the subject? And why would Dan, Craig, and Jorge (pronounced “whore-hey”) always seem to grope me without any French provocation at all?
“And I know just where to touch you, and I know just what to prove;I know when to pull you closer, and I know when to let you loose.”
Still the height of the whole visit was when about 10-12 of us were sitting around the fire barrel talking and relaxing under the stars. I was of course wearing my smoking jacket and scarf which is always accompanied with my pipe. I was making witty banter of what. I do not remember but you can be sure it was highly intellectual. Then, all of a sudden, I was presented with a small package of fire crackers. The particular type of firecrackers were called “Mata-suegras” or “Mother-in-law killers”. I have to admit that I really do not know who handed them to me as I was quite taken by my own emotions at the particular moment. My first impulse was to just throw the package into the fire but sweet Mother of good judgment stepped in. I then proceeded to drowned her with the bottle of beer I had in my hand and chucked the package into the fire anyway. (we shant be hearing from her anytime soon). The reaction from the group was incredible! I have never seen a group of chiropractors move so fast in my life. Seats were turned over and it was a fight for survival as everybody tried to put as much distance from themselves and the fire barrel as quickly as possible. It was truly a splendid event. The athletic entertainment could not be topped even by a professional planned event by a multi-million dollar organization. The culture was unsurpassed. Generations will talk about this for years to come! The ancient Creek Athenians would have founded some kind of event for this occurrence and named a God after it I am sure. Those silly little pantheists…what will they think of next!
”You can take the darkness from the pit of the nightand turn into a beacon burning endlessly bright.I've got to follow it, 'cause everything I know,well it's nothing till I give it to you.”
Oh…and the mission part of the trip was good too!
So to all my new Canadian and Los Angelino friends…Keep on….
“(Makin’ love) out of nothing at all!!!”
Chiropracticly all yours,
Rusty
PS, Apparently while I was gone for the weekend Johnnie the secretary had Tammy make the announcement to all of you that him and his girlfriend have broken up. I guess now he as well will be “(Making love) TO nothing at all”
FeO2
As you all know it has been a while since I have sent out a blog. I have been very busy as of late. I just had a mission group of chiropractors. Anyway, I have also has “Bloggers Block”. It is usually in times like this I turn to Air supply for inspiration.
Anyhow, our mission group was a combined group with a part from LA and the other from Quebec. It was lots of fun and an extra ordinary time. Most of the group was made up of students. I always have a lot of fun with students. They usually are the most flexible people to work with. So flexible I had one student show me how she could jump up in the air and kick her self in the head. A formidable talent on any account. Once she showed us this act of heroism she then became one of the most popular girls on the trip.
“I can make the run or stumble, I can make the final block;And I can make every tackle, at the sound of the whistle,I can make all the stadiums rock.”
There were several guys in the group who decided that they would pay solid North American currency just for the chance to be kicked in the head by her. I, on the other hand decided that I needed to conserve as many brain cells as possible as there has been enough loss in the past for completely different reasons. Once word got around on this particular side show more young women came out to state that they as well possessed this particular god given gift. The other talents that were discovered on this trip were the raw muscular strength showed by one of the other trip participants. Although I was not present at the particular moment this young man in the midst of gastro spasms and paroxysms was able to pull a toilet seat clean off the floor.
“Do you really want to see me crawl?”
All were very impressed, I must say.
I will never forget the gentle sonorous snoring of my good friend Tony though. Gin (his roommate) also comes to mind when I think of Tony.
“I can make tonight forever, Or I can make it disappear by the dawn;And I can make you every promise that has ever been made,And I can make all your demons be gone.”
There are still a few questions that still remain in my mind though. One is it that whenever I would say that new French phrase that I learned from Sandra, Andie and Mari-a-Sol…why would this always provoke Mitch into a groping frenzy with me as the subject? And why would Dan, Craig, and Jorge (pronounced “whore-hey”) always seem to grope me without any French provocation at all?
“And I know just where to touch you, and I know just what to prove;I know when to pull you closer, and I know when to let you loose.”
Still the height of the whole visit was when about 10-12 of us were sitting around the fire barrel talking and relaxing under the stars. I was of course wearing my smoking jacket and scarf which is always accompanied with my pipe. I was making witty banter of what. I do not remember but you can be sure it was highly intellectual. Then, all of a sudden, I was presented with a small package of fire crackers. The particular type of firecrackers were called “Mata-suegras” or “Mother-in-law killers”. I have to admit that I really do not know who handed them to me as I was quite taken by my own emotions at the particular moment. My first impulse was to just throw the package into the fire but sweet Mother of good judgment stepped in. I then proceeded to drowned her with the bottle of beer I had in my hand and chucked the package into the fire anyway. (we shant be hearing from her anytime soon). The reaction from the group was incredible! I have never seen a group of chiropractors move so fast in my life. Seats were turned over and it was a fight for survival as everybody tried to put as much distance from themselves and the fire barrel as quickly as possible. It was truly a splendid event. The athletic entertainment could not be topped even by a professional planned event by a multi-million dollar organization. The culture was unsurpassed. Generations will talk about this for years to come! The ancient Creek Athenians would have founded some kind of event for this occurrence and named a God after it I am sure. Those silly little pantheists…what will they think of next!
”You can take the darkness from the pit of the nightand turn into a beacon burning endlessly bright.I've got to follow it, 'cause everything I know,well it's nothing till I give it to you.”
Oh…and the mission part of the trip was good too!
So to all my new Canadian and Los Angelino friends…Keep on….
“(Makin’ love) out of nothing at all!!!”
Chiropracticly all yours,
Rusty
PS, Apparently while I was gone for the weekend Johnnie the secretary had Tammy make the announcement to all of you that him and his girlfriend have broken up. I guess now he as well will be “(Making love) TO nothing at all”
FeO2
# 35 Florida
I have been having a great time with my new in laws here in Florida on the beach. The other day when we went to Venice beach I decided to put the new relationship to the test. The women sent us to the closest shop to do some shopping. So when me and my father-in-law got to the shop I noticed that there was a bar and I said, “Hey hows about a beer?!?!” So Jack (or um-papa, pronounced “oom-papa”) reluctantly says “Ok”. So when we settled onto the bar we ordered some drinks and started to drink and chat while looking out at the beach. All of a sudden a huge biker came into the bar with his “woman” behind him. I sensed Jack tighten up and get somewhat uncomfortable. The big biker stooped over close to Jacks ear and asked “Is this stool occupied?” indicating to the seat next to Jack. I then chirped up and said “I don’t know, this guy is pretty dangerous!” indicating my father-in-law to the biker Then the big biker looks directly at Jack and says “So your dangerous are you?” At this point with a look of shock and surprise Um-papa said “I’m not dangerous, would a dangerous man be wearing pink neoprene deck shoes like these!!!” as he desperately tried to lift up his left foot to show a delicate dainty slipper. The biker just looked at the both of us and sat down.
In other news tomorrow is the fourth of July! As they say around here with a desperate sense urgency accompanied with festivity “’s-plosions!!!”
Have a great fourth of July everybody!
FeO2
July 7th, 2007
Disney World was an interesting time. Jack decided that the walker-scooter that he rented was not for him so he asked me to take care of it for him. I must say that it made for an interesting social experience. People would call me “Sir” and look at me as if to say “Keep on being brave and living life” sniff-sniff “we are all proud of you.” It was all going well scooting around the “Magic Kingdom” on te fourth of July until it was time for the firework show. I wanted to get back to the hotel to watch the show from there but as luck would have it the crowds empeeded us and we could not get out of the park. This would not have been so bad but I got separated from my pack by waves of sweaty humanity. At this time the amazing crowds started getting desperate and their charity dwindled. It was every body for themselves. I was a cast away on a little scooter with no way out with my face at rump level.
FeO2
July 10th, 2007
Well a few short hours are left on yet another whirlwind trip. I just got back from the Midwest where things went pretty well. I pulled into Muscatine for the annual weenie roast that Ron, Ginny and I have been having for 2 years running. One can never have enough “weenie” I have always said! Anyway I had to get up early the next day to head back to Chicago for a meeting. For some reason it does not seem to matter what time I have to get up my eyes almost always blink open about 30 seconds before the alarm goes off. This morning I set the clock for 4:00 am and I was awake at 3:59:30 . Hmm. So I preceded to put on the days combat gear which was the “armor plated suit and tie”. I then loaded the car as backed it out. On doing this I heard a rubbing sound of the car making contact with the Orud’s raised drive way. I started to panic. I got out and saw that there was this ugly little ding in the left rear quarter panel. Crap! Any way the rest of the day seemed to proceed this way. People were late for meetings, my back started hurting blah-blah-blah. Luckily I was able to corner Paula for an adjustment who was only a short drive from where I was staying. Thanks Paula I owe ya big. It was cool. She showed me her new adjusting tables of which I tried to operate. I found that it was harder than what I would have imagined. I was trying to get the table to come up but it just would not do it. Then Paula said “Just kick it.” I did this but still nothing happened. Paula then gave me a look that seemed to say “Put some quads behind it”. I will have to say I am not used to working with machines that were built to take intentional abuse. I suppose it is a good way to get out frustration and it is quite creative for the manufacturers of this particular type of equipment to think of the practitioner not only to give her/him a valuable tool for practice but also an emotional outlet. Either way, it still made me feel like a sissy boy.
I got to know the Lundmarks. This was really nice. They are really good people.
This am I got up early worrying what the guy at Enterprise Rent-a-Car was going to say about the dent in the Mustang. I spent about 20 minutes scouring the ding the evening before, which did clean out fairly well and left the paint undamaged, by the way. But I must say I was still quite nervous all the way to the airport as there was still an indention. You will all be proud of me with the ingenious solution I came up with. As I pulled up in the car to the return station I noticed that the attendant started his inspecting with the collection of the GPS unit. He seemed overly preoccupied with getting this particular apparatus back with all its pieces. This is where I applied what we in health care call the “gendrassic maneuver”. This is where you distract a patient in order to accomplish a procedure. Examples would be like when you go to the dentist and he grabs your cheek and starts flipping it back and forth while he is putting in the Novocain, or when a nurse asks you a question at the precise moment when the nurse on the other side gives you a shot or when a chiropractor tell you to wiggle your toes so you will relax for the adjustment. Or even perhaps when your father-in-law sneaks up to you and harpoons you with a tetanus shot. Wait, that’s not a gendrasic that is surprise assault and battery! From now on I shall refer to him as Mefistopholese. Anyway as I saw this guy inspecting the car I kept on bringing up the GPS unit and that I wanted him to be sure that the unit was complete. On every interjection that I gave on this matter he would quickly check to be sure that this valued object was ready to be handed back into the office. He kept the unit snug and cradled on his arm like a beloved little puppy. In this way he completed the inspection of the car and handed me a receipt that made no mention of auto body work.
FeO2
14, July, 2007
To wrap up the trip to the US I will say it was rather exhausting. We left Florida with all its hot humid weather to arrive in La Paz with American Airline only to be dumped off for mechanical problems. So there we were dressed for a Florida summer clothes at 14,000 feet in a South American winter with snow falling. The children performed well under the circumstances. About 17 hours later we were all shipped out finally to go home. So it is finally over.
In other news I watching MTV today and I think that I have finally found a solution. I just do not wear enough black eye make-up to be cool! So I figure that if I were to apply enough of this compound to myself my days of being a geek and a freak we finally be over!
I will send pictures.
I love all of you. Stay in love and I promise all of you will be blessed.
FeO2
18th of July 2007
So I just had my Cholesterol checked by the proddings of Mephistofolies (my new father-in-law). And I am happy to report that the following are my results: My triglicerides are 77, my H.D.L.’s are 98, my L.D.L.’s are 114.6, and my V.L.D.L.’s are 14.5. All these values render me at low risk for heart disease. Furthermore I have already lost 2.2 pounds of the 4.4 I gained while I was in the US from the diet which I started Monday. I guess the only way things could get better is if I would quit smoking. Which I almost have since I have not had a cig for almost a week for reasons of forgetfulness (stupid me). Even though this habit of mine is my way of thumbing my nose at mother nature I am sure that it will all catch up to me. Reality does have a way of making you pay for the bad things you do. For instance, I am already feeling me age. I have noticed that in my personal bedroom life I am starting to find it more difficult to wrap things up (if you know what I mean, and I think you do, wink-wink) It used to be quick (and I do mean QUICK) and easy but now I am finding it to be more work than before. To defend myself I can still say I am far from failing though. In truth this is probably giving me the excersize I need to keep my blood lipids low. The other thing that I have noticed is that the “posture” seems to maintain itself longer than it used to. The “posture” change used to come along more quickly than it does now. It kind of makes me feel like an old soldier. I guess this is all to say that I am indeed slowing down with age. I am not quite the young buck I used to be.
So keep me in your thoughts (or maybe not)
FeO2
In other news tomorrow is the fourth of July! As they say around here with a desperate sense urgency accompanied with festivity “’s-plosions!!!”
Have a great fourth of July everybody!
FeO2
July 7th, 2007
Disney World was an interesting time. Jack decided that the walker-scooter that he rented was not for him so he asked me to take care of it for him. I must say that it made for an interesting social experience. People would call me “Sir” and look at me as if to say “Keep on being brave and living life” sniff-sniff “we are all proud of you.” It was all going well scooting around the “Magic Kingdom” on te fourth of July until it was time for the firework show. I wanted to get back to the hotel to watch the show from there but as luck would have it the crowds empeeded us and we could not get out of the park. This would not have been so bad but I got separated from my pack by waves of sweaty humanity. At this time the amazing crowds started getting desperate and their charity dwindled. It was every body for themselves. I was a cast away on a little scooter with no way out with my face at rump level.
FeO2
July 10th, 2007
Well a few short hours are left on yet another whirlwind trip. I just got back from the Midwest where things went pretty well. I pulled into Muscatine for the annual weenie roast that Ron, Ginny and I have been having for 2 years running. One can never have enough “weenie” I have always said! Anyway I had to get up early the next day to head back to Chicago for a meeting. For some reason it does not seem to matter what time I have to get up my eyes almost always blink open about 30 seconds before the alarm goes off. This morning I set the clock for 4:00 am and I was awake at 3:59:30 . Hmm. So I preceded to put on the days combat gear which was the “armor plated suit and tie”. I then loaded the car as backed it out. On doing this I heard a rubbing sound of the car making contact with the Orud’s raised drive way. I started to panic. I got out and saw that there was this ugly little ding in the left rear quarter panel. Crap! Any way the rest of the day seemed to proceed this way. People were late for meetings, my back started hurting blah-blah-blah. Luckily I was able to corner Paula for an adjustment who was only a short drive from where I was staying. Thanks Paula I owe ya big. It was cool. She showed me her new adjusting tables of which I tried to operate. I found that it was harder than what I would have imagined. I was trying to get the table to come up but it just would not do it. Then Paula said “Just kick it.” I did this but still nothing happened. Paula then gave me a look that seemed to say “Put some quads behind it”. I will have to say I am not used to working with machines that were built to take intentional abuse. I suppose it is a good way to get out frustration and it is quite creative for the manufacturers of this particular type of equipment to think of the practitioner not only to give her/him a valuable tool for practice but also an emotional outlet. Either way, it still made me feel like a sissy boy.
I got to know the Lundmarks. This was really nice. They are really good people.
This am I got up early worrying what the guy at Enterprise Rent-a-Car was going to say about the dent in the Mustang. I spent about 20 minutes scouring the ding the evening before, which did clean out fairly well and left the paint undamaged, by the way. But I must say I was still quite nervous all the way to the airport as there was still an indention. You will all be proud of me with the ingenious solution I came up with. As I pulled up in the car to the return station I noticed that the attendant started his inspecting with the collection of the GPS unit. He seemed overly preoccupied with getting this particular apparatus back with all its pieces. This is where I applied what we in health care call the “gendrassic maneuver”. This is where you distract a patient in order to accomplish a procedure. Examples would be like when you go to the dentist and he grabs your cheek and starts flipping it back and forth while he is putting in the Novocain, or when a nurse asks you a question at the precise moment when the nurse on the other side gives you a shot or when a chiropractor tell you to wiggle your toes so you will relax for the adjustment. Or even perhaps when your father-in-law sneaks up to you and harpoons you with a tetanus shot. Wait, that’s not a gendrasic that is surprise assault and battery! From now on I shall refer to him as Mefistopholese. Anyway as I saw this guy inspecting the car I kept on bringing up the GPS unit and that I wanted him to be sure that the unit was complete. On every interjection that I gave on this matter he would quickly check to be sure that this valued object was ready to be handed back into the office. He kept the unit snug and cradled on his arm like a beloved little puppy. In this way he completed the inspection of the car and handed me a receipt that made no mention of auto body work.
FeO2
14, July, 2007
To wrap up the trip to the US I will say it was rather exhausting. We left Florida with all its hot humid weather to arrive in La Paz with American Airline only to be dumped off for mechanical problems. So there we were dressed for a Florida summer clothes at 14,000 feet in a South American winter with snow falling. The children performed well under the circumstances. About 17 hours later we were all shipped out finally to go home. So it is finally over.
In other news I watching MTV today and I think that I have finally found a solution. I just do not wear enough black eye make-up to be cool! So I figure that if I were to apply enough of this compound to myself my days of being a geek and a freak we finally be over!
I will send pictures.
I love all of you. Stay in love and I promise all of you will be blessed.
FeO2
18th of July 2007
So I just had my Cholesterol checked by the proddings of Mephistofolies (my new father-in-law). And I am happy to report that the following are my results: My triglicerides are 77, my H.D.L.’s are 98, my L.D.L.’s are 114.6, and my V.L.D.L.’s are 14.5. All these values render me at low risk for heart disease. Furthermore I have already lost 2.2 pounds of the 4.4 I gained while I was in the US from the diet which I started Monday. I guess the only way things could get better is if I would quit smoking. Which I almost have since I have not had a cig for almost a week for reasons of forgetfulness (stupid me). Even though this habit of mine is my way of thumbing my nose at mother nature I am sure that it will all catch up to me. Reality does have a way of making you pay for the bad things you do. For instance, I am already feeling me age. I have noticed that in my personal bedroom life I am starting to find it more difficult to wrap things up (if you know what I mean, and I think you do, wink-wink) It used to be quick (and I do mean QUICK) and easy but now I am finding it to be more work than before. To defend myself I can still say I am far from failing though. In truth this is probably giving me the excersize I need to keep my blood lipids low. The other thing that I have noticed is that the “posture” seems to maintain itself longer than it used to. The “posture” change used to come along more quickly than it does now. It kind of makes me feel like an old soldier. I guess this is all to say that I am indeed slowing down with age. I am not quite the young buck I used to be.
So keep me in your thoughts (or maybe not)
FeO2
# 34 22/June/2007
Captains Blog: My day in pictures.
Today I have a tip for the boys. If you are ever in a pillow argument with your woman at night and it does not resolve itself before you pass out do what I did this morning. Which is to get up and made a smiley face breakfast for her? The engredients are two fried eggs for the eyes, to hammy roles for the lips, a half wedgie of apple for a nose, hash brownies for the hair, and toast for ears. When Tammy came down for breakfast she was looking tired and sad. Then I gave her my offering and a smile began to spread across her face. She said “I know what you are up to and this just ain’t gonna cut it buddy!” But the smile stayed on her face. (See Picture) It is sooooo easy! Of course the kids saw this and then demanded their own smiley faces as well. So there were smiley faces for everybody. It was our own little celebration of the last day of school before winter break. I was the man of the hour.
The rest of my day went fine as well. While my trainer was giving me my daily torture session he had me hanging on a bar struggling to do chin ups. Then all of a sudden all the little old ladies exited their cardio class and saw me. A bunch of them came up to me and tried to tickle me. At this point in my life I will take all the attention I can get so this counted as a good thing in my day. Then just two minutes later wile I was still hanging there I unwittingly kicked my foot backward right into the groin of my instructor. Another good thing. Then just before I left the gym I got to see about 3 guys from the weight room jump my instructor. This was all very entertaining and was definitely a “happy-happy”.
Thomas made me laugh today. He was wearing a pair of cotton shorts. He pulled them up his butt and then rolled them up to the point where he looked like a little skinny sumo wrestler. He then showed me and said “Look Dad! I’m a hotty!” Sometimes I wonder what my son is learning about beauty.
I just included the second picture. This one is of my receptionist to prove to you guys that I was not lying about him getting clocked. I call this picture “Shaniqua’s Fist of Sweet Revenge” This is for you doubting Thomas’ out there who never believe me (Gray). In the picture you can see where Tortis’ girlfriend, Shaniqua, busted him across his friggin eye last weekend. The right eye to be exact. Let’s hope that things go better for him this weekend. Perhaps he should make her a smiley face breakfast.
FeO2
PS Welcome on board to my good buddy Maria Christina! Now you can get all my stuff directly!
Today I have a tip for the boys. If you are ever in a pillow argument with your woman at night and it does not resolve itself before you pass out do what I did this morning. Which is to get up and made a smiley face breakfast for her? The engredients are two fried eggs for the eyes, to hammy roles for the lips, a half wedgie of apple for a nose, hash brownies for the hair, and toast for ears. When Tammy came down for breakfast she was looking tired and sad. Then I gave her my offering and a smile began to spread across her face. She said “I know what you are up to and this just ain’t gonna cut it buddy!” But the smile stayed on her face. (See Picture) It is sooooo easy! Of course the kids saw this and then demanded their own smiley faces as well. So there were smiley faces for everybody. It was our own little celebration of the last day of school before winter break. I was the man of the hour.
The rest of my day went fine as well. While my trainer was giving me my daily torture session he had me hanging on a bar struggling to do chin ups. Then all of a sudden all the little old ladies exited their cardio class and saw me. A bunch of them came up to me and tried to tickle me. At this point in my life I will take all the attention I can get so this counted as a good thing in my day. Then just two minutes later wile I was still hanging there I unwittingly kicked my foot backward right into the groin of my instructor. Another good thing. Then just before I left the gym I got to see about 3 guys from the weight room jump my instructor. This was all very entertaining and was definitely a “happy-happy”.
Thomas made me laugh today. He was wearing a pair of cotton shorts. He pulled them up his butt and then rolled them up to the point where he looked like a little skinny sumo wrestler. He then showed me and said “Look Dad! I’m a hotty!” Sometimes I wonder what my son is learning about beauty.
I just included the second picture. This one is of my receptionist to prove to you guys that I was not lying about him getting clocked. I call this picture “Shaniqua’s Fist of Sweet Revenge” This is for you doubting Thomas’ out there who never believe me (Gray). In the picture you can see where Tortis’ girlfriend, Shaniqua, busted him across his friggin eye last weekend. The right eye to be exact. Let’s hope that things go better for him this weekend. Perhaps he should make her a smiley face breakfast.
FeO2
PS Welcome on board to my good buddy Maria Christina! Now you can get all my stuff directly!
# 33 June, 17th, 2007
The Hand of Pleasure and the Fist of Sweet Revenge
This last Friday I was on my computer up to my regular activities and these little conversation bubbles started popping up for on line chatting. I thought this is strange since I have never chatted on line and this has been something that I have never been interested in. There were all these people that were saying “Hi” and “Hola!” So at this point I am thinking “What the….”. Until somebody by the name of Cindy wrote “Hola Tortis, are you still at work?” Then I thought “’Tortis’ that’s Jonny’s (my receptionist) nick name! Oooooo, this really made me mad! I thin yelled into the other room “Hey, Jonny! Why is somebody by the name of “Cindy” calling me “Tortis”. Then I heard from the other room “Uuuh, I… don’t… know”. I must admit that the only thing on my mind at this point was unprofessional and unadulterated vengeance. I remember thinking something along the lines of “I am going to get that wee beastie fat bastard!”
I then reported to him “Well Cindy just found that you are not working at all and actually spending most of your time masturbating! I am still waiting on a reply from her”. Then heard his seat wheel around and I at this time got up myself and it was a race to the door. As luck and speed would have it I got to the door first and shut and locked it before he was able to reach it. I then walked back to my computer and said “Hey she is writing back right now!” I then saw in my minds eye a shocked little Cindy with her eyes big and round as she wrote “Tortis, I think somebody is hacking into your system!” I then responded “Oh no, don’t worry its me alright, Tortis.” Then I heard from the other side of the door “Please don’t do this to me doc. I promise I will never get on your computer again!” I then replied “I know you won't and I am about to make sure of that…. Hey, who’s this Natalie that just popped up?!?!? Heh-heh” Then I heard a muffled “Noooo!” from the other side of the door. So a couple minutes later I called Jonny on the intercom and announced “Jonny, you have three dates tonight I scheduled each of them about a half hour apart from each other. So…lets see how fast you can move Stud!” I then heard over the line “What!! I have a date with my girlfriend Shaniqua tonight.”
So it was about 20 minutes later that I was walking out the door I handed Jonny his list of “appointments”. I noticed that he had his nose about 2 inches from the surface of his desk moaning “Shaniqua’s gonna kill me!” “Well I think that it would be fare for me to inform you that I told these girls that if anything goes wrong that they can give you a call on your cell.” Then Jonny bolted up right and said “You gave them my phone number?!?”
As I was about to close the door behind me when I turned to Jonny and said with a smile “Don’t forget to lock up…. and have a nice see weekend….Tortis.”
FeO2
18/june/2007
Monday Morning,
In a follow up to my last blog I have to mention that I walked in to the office and immediately saw that Tortis did not have a good weekend. Tortis had a patch like band-aid over his right eye. I stopped to think “Could I have had any part in what ever devilry that transpired in this poor boys life?” Then I thought “NO WAY!” I then asked what had happened to Poor Jonnie. He then stated rather curtly “I fell”. So now I feel much better because all he did was fall and of course I could have nothing to do with this right?!?! Although now I have to help him keep from running into walls because he has no depth perception with that Cyclops head of his.
FeO2
This last Friday I was on my computer up to my regular activities and these little conversation bubbles started popping up for on line chatting. I thought this is strange since I have never chatted on line and this has been something that I have never been interested in. There were all these people that were saying “Hi” and “Hola!” So at this point I am thinking “What the….”. Until somebody by the name of Cindy wrote “Hola Tortis, are you still at work?” Then I thought “’Tortis’ that’s Jonny’s (my receptionist) nick name! Oooooo, this really made me mad! I thin yelled into the other room “Hey, Jonny! Why is somebody by the name of “Cindy” calling me “Tortis”. Then I heard from the other room “Uuuh, I… don’t… know”. I must admit that the only thing on my mind at this point was unprofessional and unadulterated vengeance. I remember thinking something along the lines of “I am going to get that wee beastie fat bastard!”
I then reported to him “Well Cindy just found that you are not working at all and actually spending most of your time masturbating! I am still waiting on a reply from her”. Then heard his seat wheel around and I at this time got up myself and it was a race to the door. As luck and speed would have it I got to the door first and shut and locked it before he was able to reach it. I then walked back to my computer and said “Hey she is writing back right now!” I then saw in my minds eye a shocked little Cindy with her eyes big and round as she wrote “Tortis, I think somebody is hacking into your system!” I then responded “Oh no, don’t worry its me alright, Tortis.” Then I heard from the other side of the door “Please don’t do this to me doc. I promise I will never get on your computer again!” I then replied “I know you won't and I am about to make sure of that…. Hey, who’s this Natalie that just popped up?!?!? Heh-heh” Then I heard a muffled “Noooo!” from the other side of the door. So a couple minutes later I called Jonny on the intercom and announced “Jonny, you have three dates tonight I scheduled each of them about a half hour apart from each other. So…lets see how fast you can move Stud!” I then heard over the line “What!! I have a date with my girlfriend Shaniqua tonight.”
So it was about 20 minutes later that I was walking out the door I handed Jonny his list of “appointments”. I noticed that he had his nose about 2 inches from the surface of his desk moaning “Shaniqua’s gonna kill me!” “Well I think that it would be fare for me to inform you that I told these girls that if anything goes wrong that they can give you a call on your cell.” Then Jonny bolted up right and said “You gave them my phone number?!?”
As I was about to close the door behind me when I turned to Jonny and said with a smile “Don’t forget to lock up…. and have a nice see weekend….Tortis.”
FeO2
18/june/2007
Monday Morning,
In a follow up to my last blog I have to mention that I walked in to the office and immediately saw that Tortis did not have a good weekend. Tortis had a patch like band-aid over his right eye. I stopped to think “Could I have had any part in what ever devilry that transpired in this poor boys life?” Then I thought “NO WAY!” I then asked what had happened to Poor Jonnie. He then stated rather curtly “I fell”. So now I feel much better because all he did was fall and of course I could have nothing to do with this right?!?! Although now I have to help him keep from running into walls because he has no depth perception with that Cyclops head of his.
FeO2
# 32 Friday, 22/June/2006
Friday, 22/June/2006
Thomas the Lyon Tamer
A contribution from my wife: “At lunch today, Thomas took credit for teaching the puppies how to bite and eat everything given to them.
Amazing!
Based on these credits, Thomas suggested that he had the ability to teach ‘Jack the Cat’ to be obedient if allowed to be in the house.
I just changed the subject back to the kids finishing their lunch.”
Tammy
Yah, that Thomas sure knows how to crack the whip! Yesterday morning he was telling me that my back was fat and that I needed to go on a diet. Wow! Talk about running a tight ship. I mean he should know he has been able to keep that tight, low fat figure of his all his life. All eight years that is!
Any way I saw a movie last night. “Henry Fool”. I was one of those flicks that caused me to ask the question that has plagued me all my life. Who really is the fool? Although this question was not directly related to the movie and I am still evaded by its answer.
Here are some more questions: If you are foolish are you a fool? Or if you are involved with Tom Foolery, does this make you a fool? Who IS Tom Foolery? OR if you are trying to fool somebody on the foolinest day of your life, with an electrified foolin’ machine, does this make you a fool?
The phone lines are open.
FeO2
9th/June/2007
So a lot of you jokers think you are funny by directing all those fool jokes back at me! Well, ha-ha, and HA! All I can do is refer to the movie “Henry Fool”. Where one of the main characters was considered a retard just because he did not have any friends and he masturbated a lot (at least that is what his sister said). Even though this might resonate slightly, you must remember that in the movie he proved everybody wrong when he wrote that profound poem which catapulted him to genius and fame. Well all I am waiting for is my opportunity to prove myself as genius. Don’t you worry, my time is coming. And when it does I will be right there in your face saying “Who wouldda thunk it!” because as the saying goes “There is a fine line between genius and foolery.” or was it “there is a fine line between genius and insanity”. Either way I think I can claim both.
.
FeO2
Thomas the Lyon Tamer
A contribution from my wife: “At lunch today, Thomas took credit for teaching the puppies how to bite and eat everything given to them.
Amazing!
Based on these credits, Thomas suggested that he had the ability to teach ‘Jack the Cat’ to be obedient if allowed to be in the house.
I just changed the subject back to the kids finishing their lunch.”
Tammy
Yah, that Thomas sure knows how to crack the whip! Yesterday morning he was telling me that my back was fat and that I needed to go on a diet. Wow! Talk about running a tight ship. I mean he should know he has been able to keep that tight, low fat figure of his all his life. All eight years that is!
Any way I saw a movie last night. “Henry Fool”. I was one of those flicks that caused me to ask the question that has plagued me all my life. Who really is the fool? Although this question was not directly related to the movie and I am still evaded by its answer.
Here are some more questions: If you are foolish are you a fool? Or if you are involved with Tom Foolery, does this make you a fool? Who IS Tom Foolery? OR if you are trying to fool somebody on the foolinest day of your life, with an electrified foolin’ machine, does this make you a fool?
The phone lines are open.
FeO2
9th/June/2007
So a lot of you jokers think you are funny by directing all those fool jokes back at me! Well, ha-ha, and HA! All I can do is refer to the movie “Henry Fool”. Where one of the main characters was considered a retard just because he did not have any friends and he masturbated a lot (at least that is what his sister said). Even though this might resonate slightly, you must remember that in the movie he proved everybody wrong when he wrote that profound poem which catapulted him to genius and fame. Well all I am waiting for is my opportunity to prove myself as genius. Don’t you worry, my time is coming. And when it does I will be right there in your face saying “Who wouldda thunk it!” because as the saying goes “There is a fine line between genius and foolery.” or was it “there is a fine line between genius and insanity”. Either way I think I can claim both.
.
FeO2
# 31 Spain
05/14/07
I struck out on my second attempt to see Spiderman III once again the other day. This time I was much more successful. I took Thomas and invited some of his buddies and their fathers. It is true that the quality of a movie will improve if you have the right company. Seeing Thomas get excited and chattering to his little friends made the experience much more bearable. Unfortunate the theatre was almost sold out before I bought tickets and the only thing available was third row seats (there is assigned seating in movie theatres in Bolivia). It did not seem to be a problem for the little men (Thomas and his cronies) but it was quite uncomfortable for the big boys (the fathers). “Offy” a friend and one of the other fathers had to get up and go buy candies just to stay awake. Gym, the other father said that he could not even see the whole screen because it was too much in his face.
Any way here we are in Spain. I just had one of the strangest airline experiences, at least the strangest in a long time. When we made our connection in Santa Cruz we unwittingly boarded an airline that I have never heard of before which was “Aircomet”. I then looked at my ticket and it said “Aerosur”. I came to the conclusion that their had been some kind of strange swapping goings on that I did not want to get involved with so I kept my mouth shut. Apparently this is a Spanish airline so as they say “When in Rome”.
So as I boarded the aircraft-the shear colors of the décor jumped up at me. The seat covers were a metallic blue. The carpets were strippedy with different shades of blue that made everything look really busy.
The stewardess’ were something else. They wore purple greatcoats which were taken off at the beginning of the flight to reveal slinky tight-fitting candy apple red dresses. The dresses had a slit up the right leg to about mid upper thigh which was accompanied by little tight short sleeves. The out fit was completed by a little pie cap which was the same candy apple red and a little tight pair of brown leather gloves. They all moved around the aircraft very somberly. To get them to smile you would have to point out defects in the aircraft. It was the sort of thing that you would read in “Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy” or HHGG to all the aficionados.
The whole country around here speaks their language with a speech impediment. They slip and slur around all day long. Then they will say strange things like the captain when he was announcing the flight plan. He went through it in Spanish and then again in English. But what stood out to me in English was when he got to the coast of Iberia he said “Then we will SUDDENLY fly over the Canary Islands” What does that mean? Was he just making it up as he went along? Or was it to be like taking a hard left with his hand sticking out the window with the sound of screeching tires? Oh to be a “Spanky”.
Feo2
05/16/07
Madrid was not mc of an experience as we got in to the city in the afternoon, found a place to stay in a small town on the outskirts of the city and then slept for till it was time to leave for the bus station the next day. One of the reasons for this is the fact that I got off the plane with a horrible sinus cold which led to a head ache.
The ride from Madrid to Seville was interesting. One can see why the Spanish really liked California. Most of all the land layouts and climate has reminded me of California. For instance “La Mancha” a large farming section of Spain between Madrid and Seville made famous by Cervantes’ “Don Quixote” or “Man of the Mancha” looks strangely like the central Californian San Joaquin Valley. The area of Granada where the famous Ottoman era Islamic fortress-castle “Alhambra” looks very similar to the San Fernando Valley. This would be why I guess there is actually a city in the valley named “Alhambra”. The Spanish also named the mountain range in California after the Granada range “Sierra Madre” because they both look amazingly similar to each other. In fact there are more Spanish settlements and mission in California that there are in anywhere in the Continental USA.
So far my two favorite sites in Spain have been the Cathedral Giralda in Seville and our visit to the Alhambra. Two different experiences that have been incredible. Both Seville and Granada are gorgeous cities that have withheld their mid-evil gothic and Ottoman characteristics.
Tammy and I have been surviving out of Tappa bars and pubs. A tappa is a small plate of food that you order with a beer. It can pretty much be any kind of food from a salad to a drum stick to a piece of cheese. Many tappas were unrecognizable to me even though they had great flavors. The best place to get tappas are in Granada. It is tradition for the pubs in this city to give a free tappa for each time you order a beer. This is pretty much all that we have been eating accept for the bread and cheese that we will buy occasionally from a small occasional grocer. Oh and I discovered these really awesome donuts that they smother with real thick milk chocolate!
Today as we were coming down the hill from the Alhambra I noticed this rowdy band of Spanish girls walking up to one of the Moorish ancient doors that was shaped like an old minarets entrance. The gate had no importance other than being one of the lower entrances to the castle. Anyway there was quite a lot of vegetation around and there was hardly anybody around. So as they were laughing and being loud I saw one of them pull her pants down and expose here buttocks to the girl behind her as they walked up to the door and they all just laughed and laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world. I turned to Tammy and said “Did you see that?”
She said “What?”.
“That girl with her pants down!”
“Oh is that what that is. I thought that was her purse.” (We were still quite a ways away)
Then as they approached the door a couple of them dropped to their knees with their hands up in the air and started a series of bowing gesticulations and chanting some kind of unintelligible phrase that had a few random “Allibaba’s” thrown in for good measure. They were all just having the time of their lives. But now you know why it is imperative that I call these people “Spankies”. It is really brought on by their own doing. I thought I was rather quite successful in hiding my amusement till Tammy turned to me and said “Why didn’t you marry you one of them?” In my mind the answer was quite obvious but I could not put it into words at that particular moment. Then it came to me about 15 minutes later. It is just that these type of girls just aint the marrien type.
FeO2
27/05/07
I am not sure where I left off on my last blog but to be sure I was somewhere on the Iberian Peninsula. I am back in South America now for about 3 days. I was not able to get back on line and did have some slight computer problems the last half of my stay in Europe. I must say that the experience was indeed grand!
Tammy and I visited various cities and castles which were really beautiful. I found quite amusing all these little cars that are so popular there. I guess these are the best to have with all those tiny roads. I remember I was taking a picture of Tammy in some square and I was taking a step backward and I heard a crunch under my foot. I did not think much about it until this angry European came running out yelling in some unintelligible language as there are many in Europe (the language almost changes every time you turn a block or so). Any way this guy comes out hysterical in a language they probably only speak in his apartment building pointing towards the side walk. I turned around to see what he was pointing at and was surprised. I said “Sorry I did not mean to step on your car I thought I was stepping on a beer can. Well at least now you have an opportunity to get another vehicle that when bumped in to will be able to bump back.” Some how he did not find this to reassuring.
Later came the conference in Faros, Portugal. This was good as I got to hear some really good lectures and presentations. I was also able to meet up with old friends and meet new. I did, however, run into the inevitable “stuffy’s”. I think that Margaret put it best “There are those who are always right and they never fart, so if you are ever in a room with one of these people and somebody farts you can be sure it was you that farted” Margaret Atwood, “Alias Grace”. When I explained this to my friend Gym he then said “Hey, I’ve been in that room several times!”
Still lots of fun was had. I ran into my good friends Nevik and Irol (names changed to protect the innocent. Ha!). We spent most of our social time with them which was good. It was interesting though watching Irol socialize with the internationals. Irol kept on referring to my buddy Charles as her “Short Ugandan Friend”. Of course the reader should know that ironically Charles and Irol are about the same height. I found a slight danger in this as I felt that I could very well be Irol’s next target. I imagined something like “Rusty my bald, transplanted south American friend” or perhaps “Rusty my socially inept buddy”
So the tour-de-mayhem went as follows: Spain, Madrid-Seville(which the barber really is not as great as popularly thought)-Granada-Seville (again)- Portugal, Faros-Villamar-Lagos-Lisbon-Cintas-Lisbon-Spain, Madrid-home.
FeO2
I struck out on my second attempt to see Spiderman III once again the other day. This time I was much more successful. I took Thomas and invited some of his buddies and their fathers. It is true that the quality of a movie will improve if you have the right company. Seeing Thomas get excited and chattering to his little friends made the experience much more bearable. Unfortunate the theatre was almost sold out before I bought tickets and the only thing available was third row seats (there is assigned seating in movie theatres in Bolivia). It did not seem to be a problem for the little men (Thomas and his cronies) but it was quite uncomfortable for the big boys (the fathers). “Offy” a friend and one of the other fathers had to get up and go buy candies just to stay awake. Gym, the other father said that he could not even see the whole screen because it was too much in his face.
Any way here we are in Spain. I just had one of the strangest airline experiences, at least the strangest in a long time. When we made our connection in Santa Cruz we unwittingly boarded an airline that I have never heard of before which was “Aircomet”. I then looked at my ticket and it said “Aerosur”. I came to the conclusion that their had been some kind of strange swapping goings on that I did not want to get involved with so I kept my mouth shut. Apparently this is a Spanish airline so as they say “When in Rome”.
So as I boarded the aircraft-the shear colors of the décor jumped up at me. The seat covers were a metallic blue. The carpets were strippedy with different shades of blue that made everything look really busy.
The stewardess’ were something else. They wore purple greatcoats which were taken off at the beginning of the flight to reveal slinky tight-fitting candy apple red dresses. The dresses had a slit up the right leg to about mid upper thigh which was accompanied by little tight short sleeves. The out fit was completed by a little pie cap which was the same candy apple red and a little tight pair of brown leather gloves. They all moved around the aircraft very somberly. To get them to smile you would have to point out defects in the aircraft. It was the sort of thing that you would read in “Hitch Hikers Guide to the Galaxy” or HHGG to all the aficionados.
The whole country around here speaks their language with a speech impediment. They slip and slur around all day long. Then they will say strange things like the captain when he was announcing the flight plan. He went through it in Spanish and then again in English. But what stood out to me in English was when he got to the coast of Iberia he said “Then we will SUDDENLY fly over the Canary Islands” What does that mean? Was he just making it up as he went along? Or was it to be like taking a hard left with his hand sticking out the window with the sound of screeching tires? Oh to be a “Spanky”.
Feo2
05/16/07
Madrid was not mc of an experience as we got in to the city in the afternoon, found a place to stay in a small town on the outskirts of the city and then slept for till it was time to leave for the bus station the next day. One of the reasons for this is the fact that I got off the plane with a horrible sinus cold which led to a head ache.
The ride from Madrid to Seville was interesting. One can see why the Spanish really liked California. Most of all the land layouts and climate has reminded me of California. For instance “La Mancha” a large farming section of Spain between Madrid and Seville made famous by Cervantes’ “Don Quixote” or “Man of the Mancha” looks strangely like the central Californian San Joaquin Valley. The area of Granada where the famous Ottoman era Islamic fortress-castle “Alhambra” looks very similar to the San Fernando Valley. This would be why I guess there is actually a city in the valley named “Alhambra”. The Spanish also named the mountain range in California after the Granada range “Sierra Madre” because they both look amazingly similar to each other. In fact there are more Spanish settlements and mission in California that there are in anywhere in the Continental USA.
So far my two favorite sites in Spain have been the Cathedral Giralda in Seville and our visit to the Alhambra. Two different experiences that have been incredible. Both Seville and Granada are gorgeous cities that have withheld their mid-evil gothic and Ottoman characteristics.
Tammy and I have been surviving out of Tappa bars and pubs. A tappa is a small plate of food that you order with a beer. It can pretty much be any kind of food from a salad to a drum stick to a piece of cheese. Many tappas were unrecognizable to me even though they had great flavors. The best place to get tappas are in Granada. It is tradition for the pubs in this city to give a free tappa for each time you order a beer. This is pretty much all that we have been eating accept for the bread and cheese that we will buy occasionally from a small occasional grocer. Oh and I discovered these really awesome donuts that they smother with real thick milk chocolate!
Today as we were coming down the hill from the Alhambra I noticed this rowdy band of Spanish girls walking up to one of the Moorish ancient doors that was shaped like an old minarets entrance. The gate had no importance other than being one of the lower entrances to the castle. Anyway there was quite a lot of vegetation around and there was hardly anybody around. So as they were laughing and being loud I saw one of them pull her pants down and expose here buttocks to the girl behind her as they walked up to the door and they all just laughed and laughed like it was the funniest thing in the world. I turned to Tammy and said “Did you see that?”
She said “What?”.
“That girl with her pants down!”
“Oh is that what that is. I thought that was her purse.” (We were still quite a ways away)
Then as they approached the door a couple of them dropped to their knees with their hands up in the air and started a series of bowing gesticulations and chanting some kind of unintelligible phrase that had a few random “Allibaba’s” thrown in for good measure. They were all just having the time of their lives. But now you know why it is imperative that I call these people “Spankies”. It is really brought on by their own doing. I thought I was rather quite successful in hiding my amusement till Tammy turned to me and said “Why didn’t you marry you one of them?” In my mind the answer was quite obvious but I could not put it into words at that particular moment. Then it came to me about 15 minutes later. It is just that these type of girls just aint the marrien type.
FeO2
27/05/07
I am not sure where I left off on my last blog but to be sure I was somewhere on the Iberian Peninsula. I am back in South America now for about 3 days. I was not able to get back on line and did have some slight computer problems the last half of my stay in Europe. I must say that the experience was indeed grand!
Tammy and I visited various cities and castles which were really beautiful. I found quite amusing all these little cars that are so popular there. I guess these are the best to have with all those tiny roads. I remember I was taking a picture of Tammy in some square and I was taking a step backward and I heard a crunch under my foot. I did not think much about it until this angry European came running out yelling in some unintelligible language as there are many in Europe (the language almost changes every time you turn a block or so). Any way this guy comes out hysterical in a language they probably only speak in his apartment building pointing towards the side walk. I turned around to see what he was pointing at and was surprised. I said “Sorry I did not mean to step on your car I thought I was stepping on a beer can. Well at least now you have an opportunity to get another vehicle that when bumped in to will be able to bump back.” Some how he did not find this to reassuring.
Later came the conference in Faros, Portugal. This was good as I got to hear some really good lectures and presentations. I was also able to meet up with old friends and meet new. I did, however, run into the inevitable “stuffy’s”. I think that Margaret put it best “There are those who are always right and they never fart, so if you are ever in a room with one of these people and somebody farts you can be sure it was you that farted” Margaret Atwood, “Alias Grace”. When I explained this to my friend Gym he then said “Hey, I’ve been in that room several times!”
Still lots of fun was had. I ran into my good friends Nevik and Irol (names changed to protect the innocent. Ha!). We spent most of our social time with them which was good. It was interesting though watching Irol socialize with the internationals. Irol kept on referring to my buddy Charles as her “Short Ugandan Friend”. Of course the reader should know that ironically Charles and Irol are about the same height. I found a slight danger in this as I felt that I could very well be Irol’s next target. I imagined something like “Rusty my bald, transplanted south American friend” or perhaps “Rusty my socially inept buddy”
So the tour-de-mayhem went as follows: Spain, Madrid-Seville(which the barber really is not as great as popularly thought)-Granada-Seville (again)- Portugal, Faros-Villamar-Lagos-Lisbon-Cintas-Lisbon-Spain, Madrid-home.
FeO2
# 30 07/05/07
30) 07/05/07
So I went and saw the last installment of Spiderman this weekend. I have to say that I was entertained by the first 2 movies. But this last one I watched about 30+ minutes of and walked out. Keep in mind that I am the guy who read Brothers Karamazov from start to finish. But to be fair I must say that there are very few movies that I actually make it all the way through as of late. For this reason I tend to rent movies instead of going to the theatres. I think it has something to do with the ADD. I tend to watch a movie until I get board and then I will stop it and when the chance presents itself I will go back and watch the finish. So some movies now tend to have 3 parts for me. Anyway after I walked out of the theatre I went home and watched the last half of The Queen in which I completely enjoyed. Partly because I had just finished a book called “Atonement” by Ian Something-or-other. Both resonated on an English culture that left me thinking thoughts of class, forgiveness, and family ties with in Britain blah-blah-blah.
I will say though that I won’t get away with the crime I committed against Spiderman as I still have my eight-year-old son who will require me to take him to see the whole movie. So justice will indeed be served if this has caused the reader any trial of conscience. Also to a lay the reader I am indeed looking forward to seeing Jack Black’s newest on video Tenacious D. This is so it is not thought that I am some movie snob and that I can still enjoy that which is still of my own low intellectual level. Cuz I “f--k--‘ rock” Sung to the tune of Beethoven’s 9th . (FYI you will have to at least seen the short for this movie to understand this last comment) .
Moving on to other movies I did see on video was De Ja Vu. Of course I must admit that I did watch the movie is several parts but completely enjoyed it! D. Washington did an excellent job. I also saw 300 last week. The only way I got through this whole movie was that I went with friends who gave a running commentary through the whole film a la Mystery Science 2000. Call it “junior high” if you will but it got me through the whole movie. I do not understand why this movie got criticized for too much violence. FOR GODS SAKES IT WAS ABOUT A BATTLE YOU MORRONS!
Any way these days I am being engaged by books more than I am by movies anymore. I just started “1984” again. Pretty cool! I think I read it once when I was in junior high on assignment. Who knows? But definitely good times!
In other news I saw a good looking red head yesterday. There are not a lot of them around these days. My favorites have always been brunets though. Blonds are nice too. My grandma is a beautiful one though. I will say though I have not been affected quite like that Latina obsidian that is my mothers. These were the first warm feminine locks I had ever ran my childish hands through. Some of my first memories in life are those jet black curls flowing through my fingers. It is amazing how little things shape our lives.
Have a great week and know that I love all of you! Share this love with someone one else this week. (So..if you want any more corny comments from me you’ll just have to write)
FeO2
So I went and saw the last installment of Spiderman this weekend. I have to say that I was entertained by the first 2 movies. But this last one I watched about 30+ minutes of and walked out. Keep in mind that I am the guy who read Brothers Karamazov from start to finish. But to be fair I must say that there are very few movies that I actually make it all the way through as of late. For this reason I tend to rent movies instead of going to the theatres. I think it has something to do with the ADD. I tend to watch a movie until I get board and then I will stop it and when the chance presents itself I will go back and watch the finish. So some movies now tend to have 3 parts for me. Anyway after I walked out of the theatre I went home and watched the last half of The Queen in which I completely enjoyed. Partly because I had just finished a book called “Atonement” by Ian Something-or-other. Both resonated on an English culture that left me thinking thoughts of class, forgiveness, and family ties with in Britain blah-blah-blah.
I will say though that I won’t get away with the crime I committed against Spiderman as I still have my eight-year-old son who will require me to take him to see the whole movie. So justice will indeed be served if this has caused the reader any trial of conscience. Also to a lay the reader I am indeed looking forward to seeing Jack Black’s newest on video Tenacious D. This is so it is not thought that I am some movie snob and that I can still enjoy that which is still of my own low intellectual level. Cuz I “f--k--‘ rock” Sung to the tune of Beethoven’s 9th . (FYI you will have to at least seen the short for this movie to understand this last comment) .
Moving on to other movies I did see on video was De Ja Vu. Of course I must admit that I did watch the movie is several parts but completely enjoyed it! D. Washington did an excellent job. I also saw 300 last week. The only way I got through this whole movie was that I went with friends who gave a running commentary through the whole film a la Mystery Science 2000. Call it “junior high” if you will but it got me through the whole movie. I do not understand why this movie got criticized for too much violence. FOR GODS SAKES IT WAS ABOUT A BATTLE YOU MORRONS!
Any way these days I am being engaged by books more than I am by movies anymore. I just started “1984” again. Pretty cool! I think I read it once when I was in junior high on assignment. Who knows? But definitely good times!
In other news I saw a good looking red head yesterday. There are not a lot of them around these days. My favorites have always been brunets though. Blonds are nice too. My grandma is a beautiful one though. I will say though I have not been affected quite like that Latina obsidian that is my mothers. These were the first warm feminine locks I had ever ran my childish hands through. Some of my first memories in life are those jet black curls flowing through my fingers. It is amazing how little things shape our lives.
Have a great week and know that I love all of you! Share this love with someone one else this week. (So..if you want any more corny comments from me you’ll just have to write)
FeO2
#29 Godot Airlines
29) Godot Airlines
So…”Waiting for Godot” a play. Tammy asked me if this one would deserve a blog. I guess that I will indulge her. As my friend Gym would describe the play it is a comment on absolute nothingness. This is very true but as I was reading it I noticed that this is only a part of what the author was trying to say, in my humble opinion. The dialogue was very amusing but led no where. I guess this is to be said about most modern art.
It is staged around two men standing next to a tree waiting for some person named Godot. It never said why they were waiting for Godot but that they were just waiting for him. As they waited there were a couple of strange visitors that came by that became part of the dialogue. These passer-byers were even stranger than the main characters. One followed the other holding a rope that was tied around the others neck. Apparently the one with the rope around his neck served as somewhat as a slave to the other.
Anyway the two main characters passed the day conversing on subjects that really made no sense. This continued till the end of the day when a fearful boy would show up and tell them that Godot was not going to show up. The boy would then promise that Godot would show up the next day. With that the scene would end. The next scene would start with the same two gathering at the tree again and starting all over. They would come in contact with the same other 2 characters but would seem to have hardly any recollection of the day before. They would then go through the day talking and being stupid till the end of the day with another no show of the ever elusive Godot. The boy would show up again and tell them to wait till tomorrow.
My question is the following: Is the author trying to say that this is how we live our lives? Do we go through our lives meaninglessly repeating the same thing over and over again day after day and then in the end nothing becomes of us? Also is this a really acid comment on Christianity? Are we waiting for somebody who will really never show but all the while we are accepting promises for tomorrow? Or is it as Gym asked “Is this a comment on the Bolivian Airlines, Lloyed Areo Boliviano (LAB)?” We are in fact waiting on an airline company that will never show up with and aircraft. It was then Gym suggested that we change the name LAB (Lloyed Aereo Boliviano) to GA (Godot Airlines). Bravo, Gym…..bra..vo!
FeO2
So…”Waiting for Godot” a play. Tammy asked me if this one would deserve a blog. I guess that I will indulge her. As my friend Gym would describe the play it is a comment on absolute nothingness. This is very true but as I was reading it I noticed that this is only a part of what the author was trying to say, in my humble opinion. The dialogue was very amusing but led no where. I guess this is to be said about most modern art.
It is staged around two men standing next to a tree waiting for some person named Godot. It never said why they were waiting for Godot but that they were just waiting for him. As they waited there were a couple of strange visitors that came by that became part of the dialogue. These passer-byers were even stranger than the main characters. One followed the other holding a rope that was tied around the others neck. Apparently the one with the rope around his neck served as somewhat as a slave to the other.
Anyway the two main characters passed the day conversing on subjects that really made no sense. This continued till the end of the day when a fearful boy would show up and tell them that Godot was not going to show up. The boy would then promise that Godot would show up the next day. With that the scene would end. The next scene would start with the same two gathering at the tree again and starting all over. They would come in contact with the same other 2 characters but would seem to have hardly any recollection of the day before. They would then go through the day talking and being stupid till the end of the day with another no show of the ever elusive Godot. The boy would show up again and tell them to wait till tomorrow.
My question is the following: Is the author trying to say that this is how we live our lives? Do we go through our lives meaninglessly repeating the same thing over and over again day after day and then in the end nothing becomes of us? Also is this a really acid comment on Christianity? Are we waiting for somebody who will really never show but all the while we are accepting promises for tomorrow? Or is it as Gym asked “Is this a comment on the Bolivian Airlines, Lloyed Areo Boliviano (LAB)?” We are in fact waiting on an airline company that will never show up with and aircraft. It was then Gym suggested that we change the name LAB (Lloyed Aereo Boliviano) to GA (Godot Airlines). Bravo, Gym…..bra..vo!
FeO2
# 28 Idiots running machinery and the Temple of the dog.
Well I through away my last Cannon printer the other day as they are mostly disposable these days. I had to buy a new printer so I decided to try my luck with a HP this time around. As with all new hardware I had to install new software. So that is what I did. I put the new program into the machine. Anyway as soon as I got it in I tried to print several times and nothing would happen. I started to get frustrated and cursed the very foundations of HP. After jumping around the room and many more rude verbal ejaculations I decided to take the printer home and try it on one of the computers there. So as I was wrapping it up I lifted it and felt something slightly give between my palm and the machine. Then I saw it and my thought was “Oh my gawd, it’s a power button…..”
In other news Ginsburg finally gave birth to her puppies last night. Tammy and I were not looking forward to this event as we wanted to breed her with another pure Labrador like her. But as luck would have it she went into heat and we could not get another male in time. So mister ugly from down the hill who is a crazy looking scraggly mutt took advantage. Tammy and I decided that there are already too many loose dogs in this country and we decided that as soon as the pups were down that we would drown in a bucket them immediately so the mother does not bond with them and we will be done with them. They were born sometime during the night. We found them and saw they looked just like there mother. We were baffled and started making stupid comments like “My God, they are so alive.” I let the children see them. Needless to say they were quite impressed as well. Sometimes it is little experiences like this that let you know that life is not as disposable as computer printers.
So….. does anybody want a puppy?
FeO2
In other news Ginsburg finally gave birth to her puppies last night. Tammy and I were not looking forward to this event as we wanted to breed her with another pure Labrador like her. But as luck would have it she went into heat and we could not get another male in time. So mister ugly from down the hill who is a crazy looking scraggly mutt took advantage. Tammy and I decided that there are already too many loose dogs in this country and we decided that as soon as the pups were down that we would drown in a bucket them immediately so the mother does not bond with them and we will be done with them. They were born sometime during the night. We found them and saw they looked just like there mother. We were baffled and started making stupid comments like “My God, they are so alive.” I let the children see them. Needless to say they were quite impressed as well. Sometimes it is little experiences like this that let you know that life is not as disposable as computer printers.
So….. does anybody want a puppy?
FeO2
# 27 The scripture
”At the beginning of God’s creating of the heavens and the earth,
when the earth was wild and waste,
darkness over the face of Ocean,
rushing-spirit of God hovering over the face of the waters –“
This is an interesting translation from the original Hebrew text which is Genesis 1:1. This is the very beginning of Moses’ first five books, the “Pentituck”. It is said to be one of the closest word-for-word translations that can be found. I found it to be very sexual. We see both male and female images represented. God the male and then the Waters the female which is literally the beginning of human life…a man and a woman together. God hovers over the face of the Waters and life…no, the world begins.
Moses new his women! Some of you know what it is like to be on a surf bourd sitting in the water waiting for a wave. The water is very unpredictable in this situation. When you see a wave coming you have seconds to make a decision. This is whether to paddle on to it or to let it go. In the event that you do make the decision to ride you then must know how to read the wave. How fast should you paddle in order to catch the wave at the optimum spot to get to your feet down and stand and which way is the wave breaking. These decisions are made in fractions of seconds. It is only by experience that you can do this. It is mostly by instinct. Such is the woman. She is water. You must learn to know where she will break and from there use your instincts to know which way she is going. Guys, I tell you this cuz she aint going to tell you! You have to feel her and know her and when she rises you have to know how fast to move (how fast she is moving as well) and know which way she is going. If you screw this up you will end up getting crushed by thousands of gallons of water. I remember multitudes of times when this happened to me. A wave would crush me head down to the board and I would loose all orientation my body would literally be spun head over heels under merciless water with nothing to breath. It takes more time than you could imagine to figure out which direction is up, toward the beloved next breath that you will desperately fight for. This my friend is the woman! But if you catch her at the right time and the right place she will give you one the most exilerating rides that nature can provide!
One last beer and I am done. I swear!
A movie: “A scanner darkly”, K. Reeves, W. Ryder, R. Downy Jr. and W. Harilson. This was a movie filmed with real actors and then animated. This is probably because this is the only way that you can get a decent theatrical performance out of Reeves. But I recommend it more for Downy Jr. and Harilson. They are fuuuuuckiiiiiiig funny! They remind me of old college roommates. You know, the ones that when you are sitting in the living room of your crampt apartment and you over hear from the other room your roommate giving his girlfriend the old “Donald Rumsfield”. That is “Oh yah baby! You have all the protection you need right here.”. It was in times like these the TV volume just could not make it quite high enough.
A book: “The Kite Runner”. A modern portrait of Afghanistan. A great read!
In other news, I spilt a beer on my laptop yesterday. Freaked me out! But praise be to Alas the machine works as good as it ever has and it and never smelled better!
FeO2
when the earth was wild and waste,
darkness over the face of Ocean,
rushing-spirit of God hovering over the face of the waters –“
This is an interesting translation from the original Hebrew text which is Genesis 1:1. This is the very beginning of Moses’ first five books, the “Pentituck”. It is said to be one of the closest word-for-word translations that can be found. I found it to be very sexual. We see both male and female images represented. God the male and then the Waters the female which is literally the beginning of human life…a man and a woman together. God hovers over the face of the Waters and life…no, the world begins.
Moses new his women! Some of you know what it is like to be on a surf bourd sitting in the water waiting for a wave. The water is very unpredictable in this situation. When you see a wave coming you have seconds to make a decision. This is whether to paddle on to it or to let it go. In the event that you do make the decision to ride you then must know how to read the wave. How fast should you paddle in order to catch the wave at the optimum spot to get to your feet down and stand and which way is the wave breaking. These decisions are made in fractions of seconds. It is only by experience that you can do this. It is mostly by instinct. Such is the woman. She is water. You must learn to know where she will break and from there use your instincts to know which way she is going. Guys, I tell you this cuz she aint going to tell you! You have to feel her and know her and when she rises you have to know how fast to move (how fast she is moving as well) and know which way she is going. If you screw this up you will end up getting crushed by thousands of gallons of water. I remember multitudes of times when this happened to me. A wave would crush me head down to the board and I would loose all orientation my body would literally be spun head over heels under merciless water with nothing to breath. It takes more time than you could imagine to figure out which direction is up, toward the beloved next breath that you will desperately fight for. This my friend is the woman! But if you catch her at the right time and the right place she will give you one the most exilerating rides that nature can provide!
One last beer and I am done. I swear!
A movie: “A scanner darkly”, K. Reeves, W. Ryder, R. Downy Jr. and W. Harilson. This was a movie filmed with real actors and then animated. This is probably because this is the only way that you can get a decent theatrical performance out of Reeves. But I recommend it more for Downy Jr. and Harilson. They are fuuuuuckiiiiiiig funny! They remind me of old college roommates. You know, the ones that when you are sitting in the living room of your crampt apartment and you over hear from the other room your roommate giving his girlfriend the old “Donald Rumsfield”. That is “Oh yah baby! You have all the protection you need right here.”. It was in times like these the TV volume just could not make it quite high enough.
A book: “The Kite Runner”. A modern portrait of Afghanistan. A great read!
In other news, I spilt a beer on my laptop yesterday. Freaked me out! But praise be to Alas the machine works as good as it ever has and it and never smelled better!
FeO2
# 26
Captains Blog, My god they just keep on coming! I swear to you that I don’t know where from. This would be a testimony to the dangers of leaving me alone with my thoughts.
I finally finished reading Umberto Eco’s “Name of the Rose”. Really good. The man is a genius. As many know that this is an amazing tale of the Frier William a monk/sleuth/scholar that is sent to investigate the mysterious death that has taken place in a prominent abbey in northern Italy. The abbey at the time contains the biggest library in medieval Europe.
In the dialogue there are wonderful debates that ensue among the local monks and our heroe. The dialogue is loaded with the intellectual thoughts and arguments that were very probable in cloisters at that time. Much of the debates covered the politics of medieval Europe and what was considered to be heresies such as humor as well as poverty and how it applies to that era’s Christian reality. Was Christ really a popper or a wealthy political leader? I personally was raised in the tradition that Christ was a poor man till death. But one of the things I have noticed while living here in the third world that a political leader of the poor is not always poor even though appearances may lead us to believe otherwise. So it is easy to see that the argument of Christ’s wealth actually does make some sense. Although I may not be convinced, it is still good logic.
At the risk of destroying the story for a future reader I will divulge the end of the book to share a thought. At the conclusion a fire destroys the library as well as the whole abbey. This parallels to how European Christianity at the time was treating its “heretics”. There was no tolerance. As this Christianity was destroying its enemies on the burning pyre so its own knowledge and wisdom was destroyed on a burning pyre. Not only the greatest collection of western and Middle Eastern works were destroyed but also one of the greatest community of intellectuals of the time was put asunder.
And now the time for Umberto’s quotable quotes has come:
1) “Yes. They lied to you. The Devil is not the prince of matter; the Devil is the arrogance of spirit, faith without smile, the truth that is never seized by doubt. The Devil is grim because he knows where he is going, and, in moving, he always returns whence he came.”
2) Brother William on the relics of the church. “Yes”, William smiled “the one who went to the convent of the preachers and said that he would not accept food if first they did not give him a piece of Brother Johns tunic to preserve as a relic, and when he was given it he wiped his behind and threw it in the dung heap, and with a stick he rolled it around in the dung shouting ‘Alas, help me, brothers because I dropped the saints relic in the latrine’”. Heh-heh!
3) Then there is the one about “Bother Minorite Frier Paul Millemoshe who one day fell full length on the ice; when his fellow citizens mocked him and one asked him whether he would not like to lay on something better, he said to the man ‘Yes, your wife…’” Hn-hn!
4) “Discuss the philosophical aspects of Irony” Oh wait that’s not Umberto that’s one of Sponge Bobs party conversation cards!
I have often thought why my paths have never led me into the monastic life. I see all this base humor that I could be enjoying if I had only committed my life to solitude, hard work, and contemplation. I have always been proud that I have dedicated so much of my time to elevating base humor to an art. Imagine if I could have more time to do this while in a monastery. But then again I am dangerous enough sitting in a coffee shop with WIFI and a couple of beers. It is then that the fires of hell prevail.
Now it is time for the Weekend Random Movie Review. This is where I take random movies of which I have seen or previews/trailers of movies which I have seen but not the actual movie itself and review them. Since I was in La Paz all weekend I picked up a stack of DVD rentals before I went. Somehow “Jack Ass #2” got mixed into the pile. I am still flabbergasted on how this happened. But the movie did leave me thinking “Of which monastery did this base humor originate?” It was probably one of those un-enlightened middle aged ones with a bunch of rowdy monks. It is probably one of those places where they still live surrounded by their own excrement and body fluids, as well as that of their farm animal’s body fluids and excrement. One of those places where the curative powers of leaches is more of a sport and where the abuse of the body (i.e., fish hooks through the cheek, bludgeoning of the self, etc) is a spiritual journey and search for higher meaning and consciousness.
Also while I was sitting in a restaurant in La Paz they had the TV on and they had it on the “Space” channel. They were showing “Rocky III”, the one where Rocky gets all pretty and looses the “eye of the tiger” and gets dropped by Mr. T in like 5 minutes. Then he goes and gets trained by Apollo Creed and gets the “eye of the tiger” back and goes back to fight Mr. T and wins and gets the heavy weight champion back. What was cool is that they had the volume all the way off and I still did not miss a bit of dialog! Any way my big question is when Rocky went back to fight Mr. T and beats him did Mr. T then, in fact, loose the “eye of the tiger”? Because if they both would have had the “eye of the tiger” the match would have been a draw as logic would, of course, dictates. Maybe somebody would be able to enlighten me on this one.
I also saw “Prairie Home Companion”. Good music and charming. I did not fall asleep on this one. Next came “High School Musical” of which I got through the first five minutes of. It only lasted that long cuz it took me 3 minutes to get the machine to turn off.
I will start reading “Leaving Los Vegas” today. Gym told me that John O’brien, the author, committed suicide shortly after selling the movie rights for the movie. Hey, there’s a shocker for ya! Why do all of us genius’ have to go the hard way? Heh-heh. It is a story of how two disenfranchised souls find each other. Or is about a bunch of disfranchised monks who find solace for their primordial angst by giving each other wedgies with cables and grapple hooks? I’ll let ya all know how it comes out.
FeO2
I finally finished reading Umberto Eco’s “Name of the Rose”. Really good. The man is a genius. As many know that this is an amazing tale of the Frier William a monk/sleuth/scholar that is sent to investigate the mysterious death that has taken place in a prominent abbey in northern Italy. The abbey at the time contains the biggest library in medieval Europe.
In the dialogue there are wonderful debates that ensue among the local monks and our heroe. The dialogue is loaded with the intellectual thoughts and arguments that were very probable in cloisters at that time. Much of the debates covered the politics of medieval Europe and what was considered to be heresies such as humor as well as poverty and how it applies to that era’s Christian reality. Was Christ really a popper or a wealthy political leader? I personally was raised in the tradition that Christ was a poor man till death. But one of the things I have noticed while living here in the third world that a political leader of the poor is not always poor even though appearances may lead us to believe otherwise. So it is easy to see that the argument of Christ’s wealth actually does make some sense. Although I may not be convinced, it is still good logic.
At the risk of destroying the story for a future reader I will divulge the end of the book to share a thought. At the conclusion a fire destroys the library as well as the whole abbey. This parallels to how European Christianity at the time was treating its “heretics”. There was no tolerance. As this Christianity was destroying its enemies on the burning pyre so its own knowledge and wisdom was destroyed on a burning pyre. Not only the greatest collection of western and Middle Eastern works were destroyed but also one of the greatest community of intellectuals of the time was put asunder.
And now the time for Umberto’s quotable quotes has come:
1) “Yes. They lied to you. The Devil is not the prince of matter; the Devil is the arrogance of spirit, faith without smile, the truth that is never seized by doubt. The Devil is grim because he knows where he is going, and, in moving, he always returns whence he came.”
2) Brother William on the relics of the church. “Yes”, William smiled “the one who went to the convent of the preachers and said that he would not accept food if first they did not give him a piece of Brother Johns tunic to preserve as a relic, and when he was given it he wiped his behind and threw it in the dung heap, and with a stick he rolled it around in the dung shouting ‘Alas, help me, brothers because I dropped the saints relic in the latrine’”. Heh-heh!
3) Then there is the one about “Bother Minorite Frier Paul Millemoshe who one day fell full length on the ice; when his fellow citizens mocked him and one asked him whether he would not like to lay on something better, he said to the man ‘Yes, your wife…’” Hn-hn!
4) “Discuss the philosophical aspects of Irony” Oh wait that’s not Umberto that’s one of Sponge Bobs party conversation cards!
I have often thought why my paths have never led me into the monastic life. I see all this base humor that I could be enjoying if I had only committed my life to solitude, hard work, and contemplation. I have always been proud that I have dedicated so much of my time to elevating base humor to an art. Imagine if I could have more time to do this while in a monastery. But then again I am dangerous enough sitting in a coffee shop with WIFI and a couple of beers. It is then that the fires of hell prevail.
Now it is time for the Weekend Random Movie Review. This is where I take random movies of which I have seen or previews/trailers of movies which I have seen but not the actual movie itself and review them. Since I was in La Paz all weekend I picked up a stack of DVD rentals before I went. Somehow “Jack Ass #2” got mixed into the pile. I am still flabbergasted on how this happened. But the movie did leave me thinking “Of which monastery did this base humor originate?” It was probably one of those un-enlightened middle aged ones with a bunch of rowdy monks. It is probably one of those places where they still live surrounded by their own excrement and body fluids, as well as that of their farm animal’s body fluids and excrement. One of those places where the curative powers of leaches is more of a sport and where the abuse of the body (i.e., fish hooks through the cheek, bludgeoning of the self, etc) is a spiritual journey and search for higher meaning and consciousness.
Also while I was sitting in a restaurant in La Paz they had the TV on and they had it on the “Space” channel. They were showing “Rocky III”, the one where Rocky gets all pretty and looses the “eye of the tiger” and gets dropped by Mr. T in like 5 minutes. Then he goes and gets trained by Apollo Creed and gets the “eye of the tiger” back and goes back to fight Mr. T and wins and gets the heavy weight champion back. What was cool is that they had the volume all the way off and I still did not miss a bit of dialog! Any way my big question is when Rocky went back to fight Mr. T and beats him did Mr. T then, in fact, loose the “eye of the tiger”? Because if they both would have had the “eye of the tiger” the match would have been a draw as logic would, of course, dictates. Maybe somebody would be able to enlighten me on this one.
I also saw “Prairie Home Companion”. Good music and charming. I did not fall asleep on this one. Next came “High School Musical” of which I got through the first five minutes of. It only lasted that long cuz it took me 3 minutes to get the machine to turn off.
I will start reading “Leaving Los Vegas” today. Gym told me that John O’brien, the author, committed suicide shortly after selling the movie rights for the movie. Hey, there’s a shocker for ya! Why do all of us genius’ have to go the hard way? Heh-heh. It is a story of how two disenfranchised souls find each other. Or is about a bunch of disfranchised monks who find solace for their primordial angst by giving each other wedgies with cables and grapple hooks? I’ll let ya all know how it comes out.
FeO2
# 25
So we have been in the process of accepting Audrey and Jack into the family as well as being accepted into their family. Audrey is Tammy’s birth mother and my new mother in law of whom we have just met (through e-mail) a couple of months ago. Jack will be the only father-in-law I will have ever met. I never had the chance to meet Tommy, Tammy’s adoptive father, may god rest his soul. We have been learning a lot about each other. For instance Audrey told us Jack had two replaced hips. This fits right well in with our family as Granny Firestone walks with a cane, my father tries to walk with UA degeneration, Irene (Tammy’s adoptive mother) has two old spinal fractures and I’ve got that crazy peg leg (cuz Thomas thinks its cool). I have also been told that I have a strong back and a weak mind. They were probably referring to the ADD. Of course there have been all those insane mysterious chancres going around that nobody can quite explain along with all the other ailments. So for Christmas I have envisioned us all getting together and hobblin’ around the Christmas tree, asking Granny Firestone to say grace over dinner and then me saying something and ruining the whole event as usual. Ahh yes, having a family is the best!
So anyhoo, I started slowly introducing Audrey to what exactly it means to be one of the women in my life. She will soon be commiserating with people like my mother who has been walking away in embarrassment since I was a toddler pretending I was somebody else’s kid. I am sure conversations will eventually come around the incident with Irene of which I have come to lovingly refer as the “Handcuff Fiasco”. Audrey will hear phrases from me that at times may sound something like “Oh my god, hear they come! Hurry getting in the car! Go-go-go!”
Last Sunday I was taking Tammy to church as it was her turn to preach. She was telling me how Father Abdulius (the parish priest) and Tammy were doing visitations the day before. Tammy noticed something scraggly sticking out of his gullet. She asked him what it was. He then informed her of the fact that he forgot and left the tab of is collar at home and he had to improvise with a piece of paper. Tammy then said “Here let me lend you an extra one of mine”. I bet Father Abdulius was thanking God that day that the Anglican Church of Bolivia admitted women clergy.
Any way as Tammy drove along she started lamenting over the passage in the 7th chapter of Romans where Paul is dealing with is primordial angst over good and evil. Verse 18-20 “I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do that which is good, but I can not carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I want to do-this I keep on doing. Now I do not do what I want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.” Now who is dong what, Paul? I thought it Ironic as we ended this conversation that as soon Tammy pulled the car up to the curb and I opened the door to get out and go around to the driver’s seat to go home and leave Tammy at the church. When I opened the door about 3 empty beer cans rolled out my door and made a loud clanking sound on the churches parking lot. I then thought in front of the onlookers/church goers “It is not I who does this but my sinful nature”
Be that as it may I have been told that the church is now going to be sending out different people on the board to do visitations to those who have not been to mass for quite a while. Since I have not been for about oooh 6-8 months my name came up first. Tammy said that it would be a conflict of interest for her to visit me so Aquinas was chosen to do my visitation. It is a good thing that they will be sending Aquinas to visit me. I think I will have some fun with him. I plan to hit him with the old “What’s this trinity thing all about any way? It really does not make any sense to me. How can there be 3 in one? I do not like this mystery thing.” One must know that Aquinas has ADD worse than I do. So once he starts explaining the mystery of the Trinity to me I will wait till he get s half way through it and then say “Excuse me can you repeat that I was not paying attention?” Then Aquinas will have his train of thought derailed and say “What?” I will then say “I don’t know where you were?” He will say “I don’t remember.” I will then conclude “Well Aquinas it was a good visit and I am glad that you came today” He will agree with me and a good time will be had by all.
In other news, I was telling Tammy that Freddy my new male secretary was always flirting with the young ladies that come in. Then Tammy said “You know the office is a good place to meet women”. I then said “No it isn’t!” Then she said “Well not for you, but for Freddy it is.” I then started to think about it. Later I grabbed the patient sign in sheet from the day before. As I looked over it I noticed that the majority of the patients were indeed women. I then came to the realization that my office is a pick-up joint, a “meat market” if you will. I am now thinking of having a Gentlemen’s night in order to bring more guys in to balance the chemistry.
FeO2
So anyhoo, I started slowly introducing Audrey to what exactly it means to be one of the women in my life. She will soon be commiserating with people like my mother who has been walking away in embarrassment since I was a toddler pretending I was somebody else’s kid. I am sure conversations will eventually come around the incident with Irene of which I have come to lovingly refer as the “Handcuff Fiasco”. Audrey will hear phrases from me that at times may sound something like “Oh my god, hear they come! Hurry getting in the car! Go-go-go!”
Last Sunday I was taking Tammy to church as it was her turn to preach. She was telling me how Father Abdulius (the parish priest) and Tammy were doing visitations the day before. Tammy noticed something scraggly sticking out of his gullet. She asked him what it was. He then informed her of the fact that he forgot and left the tab of is collar at home and he had to improvise with a piece of paper. Tammy then said “Here let me lend you an extra one of mine”. I bet Father Abdulius was thanking God that day that the Anglican Church of Bolivia admitted women clergy.
Any way as Tammy drove along she started lamenting over the passage in the 7th chapter of Romans where Paul is dealing with is primordial angst over good and evil. Verse 18-20 “I know that nothing good lives in me, that is, my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do that which is good, but I can not carry it out. For what I do is not the good I want to do; no, the evil I want to do-this I keep on doing. Now I do not do what I want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it.” Now who is dong what, Paul? I thought it Ironic as we ended this conversation that as soon Tammy pulled the car up to the curb and I opened the door to get out and go around to the driver’s seat to go home and leave Tammy at the church. When I opened the door about 3 empty beer cans rolled out my door and made a loud clanking sound on the churches parking lot. I then thought in front of the onlookers/church goers “It is not I who does this but my sinful nature”
Be that as it may I have been told that the church is now going to be sending out different people on the board to do visitations to those who have not been to mass for quite a while. Since I have not been for about oooh 6-8 months my name came up first. Tammy said that it would be a conflict of interest for her to visit me so Aquinas was chosen to do my visitation. It is a good thing that they will be sending Aquinas to visit me. I think I will have some fun with him. I plan to hit him with the old “What’s this trinity thing all about any way? It really does not make any sense to me. How can there be 3 in one? I do not like this mystery thing.” One must know that Aquinas has ADD worse than I do. So once he starts explaining the mystery of the Trinity to me I will wait till he get s half way through it and then say “Excuse me can you repeat that I was not paying attention?” Then Aquinas will have his train of thought derailed and say “What?” I will then say “I don’t know where you were?” He will say “I don’t remember.” I will then conclude “Well Aquinas it was a good visit and I am glad that you came today” He will agree with me and a good time will be had by all.
In other news, I was telling Tammy that Freddy my new male secretary was always flirting with the young ladies that come in. Then Tammy said “You know the office is a good place to meet women”. I then said “No it isn’t!” Then she said “Well not for you, but for Freddy it is.” I then started to think about it. Later I grabbed the patient sign in sheet from the day before. As I looked over it I noticed that the majority of the patients were indeed women. I then came to the realization that my office is a pick-up joint, a “meat market” if you will. I am now thinking of having a Gentlemen’s night in order to bring more guys in to balance the chemistry.
FeO2
# 24
So I got a new receptionist. Hopefully this one will last a little longer than the others have lasted. Actually this is my first male receptionist and I am finding the change refreshing. I can now walk back into the back rooms and take off my shirt and not worry if the receptionist will walk in and see me. To tell you the truth I got quite tired of being walked in on while I was changing my clothes. Now we can both run around in our underwear and no one will be the wiser! Weeeeee!
Anyway I came in to the office the other morning and “Freddy” (all these name changes are starting to become a huge hassle) the receptionist, was reading a magazine. I stopped by the desk to see what he was looking at and noticed a guy in a little white t-shirt. I then stated “Man, that guy has really skinny arms.” Then Freddy looked up at me with eyes wide open and mouth agape “ Gasp! That’s Britney Spears’ ex-boyfriend!”
“Wh-who?” was my reply. I guess I just am not cool any more. These “cool” have passed me by. Such was the situation when I was in Davenport last June. I had been there for a couple of days and I decided to go to the graduation of the latest class to be produced by Palmer College of Chiropractic. I remember that it was just before the ceremony and I was trying to park the car in the visitor’s parking lot. The parking attendant came running out and told me that this area was a designated parking lot for visitors only and not students. I then stated that it had been almost 10 years since I have been a student, also that I thought that traveling half way across the globe entitles me to “visitors” status and besides that I parked here yesterday. At this point he whipped out a tazor and said “Don’t get smart with me you little punk student or your gunna taste the fury of my tazor!” I then said “Ok, I’ll just move this car very far away from here then.” And so I did. So I guess that this guy really did not think I was very “cool” either. Getting ones ass almost tazored can be a crude awakening to “Un-coolness”.
FeO2
Anyway I came in to the office the other morning and “Freddy” (all these name changes are starting to become a huge hassle) the receptionist, was reading a magazine. I stopped by the desk to see what he was looking at and noticed a guy in a little white t-shirt. I then stated “Man, that guy has really skinny arms.” Then Freddy looked up at me with eyes wide open and mouth agape “ Gasp! That’s Britney Spears’ ex-boyfriend!”
“Wh-who?” was my reply. I guess I just am not cool any more. These “cool” have passed me by. Such was the situation when I was in Davenport last June. I had been there for a couple of days and I decided to go to the graduation of the latest class to be produced by Palmer College of Chiropractic. I remember that it was just before the ceremony and I was trying to park the car in the visitor’s parking lot. The parking attendant came running out and told me that this area was a designated parking lot for visitors only and not students. I then stated that it had been almost 10 years since I have been a student, also that I thought that traveling half way across the globe entitles me to “visitors” status and besides that I parked here yesterday. At this point he whipped out a tazor and said “Don’t get smart with me you little punk student or your gunna taste the fury of my tazor!” I then said “Ok, I’ll just move this car very far away from here then.” And so I did. So I guess that this guy really did not think I was very “cool” either. Getting ones ass almost tazored can be a crude awakening to “Un-coolness”.
FeO2
# 23
This weekend I was over at my friends, Mr. Sissy Pants (Name changed to protect the innocent), apartment hanging out with him. While I was there I offered to put him on my blog broadcast. He then stated that blogs are for “homos”. I said “hmm” as I watched him go on expressing his own male manliness by playing some play station commando search-and-destroy kill-the-brown-man in the third world video game. I do have to admit that I thought it pretty cool when he showed me how he could blast his initials into a wall with an M16 and then erase it with an RPG. Mr. Sissy Pants is an American citizen as well. I wonder who he will vote for? It is interesting to mention that I and Sissies cousin (Calancho) went to the same high school in Mexico City. Hmm, I wonder if Henrietta’s young republican was Calancho. Nah, too much of a coincidence.It really does not matter who the ex-pats around here will vote for cuz the US Embasy never gets our registration and ballots here on time anyway. I usually get my ballot around the time they are announcing the winner of the election.FeO2
# 22 Life in a droplet of water
Now to speak of something that is not quite in vogue these days. French toast. I grew up thinking that this was a delightful gourmet breakfast dish that was only served to me on special occasions e.g. birthdays, barmitzfas, circumcisions, etc. I always wondered when I went to Denny’s “What could be the secret ingredient to this exquisite dish?” I grew up admiring it in this way pretty much all my life. Then came the tragedy of 9/11. And then my beloved childhood dish became the new fight against the forces of evil and tyranny. It became “Freedom toast”. As I looked at the three little squares on my plate I sat in awe and wonder. I felt so patriotic as I reached for the syrup. I was fighting tyranny all around the world. I saw my self with my superman tights on standing next to the American flag with my chest barreling, while I fought for truth justice and the American way. This continued until my British friends who have an uncanny knack for turning questions into statements “It’s just eggy bread, isn’t it.”
Anyhoo, in other news, my good friend Gym came over this weekend for a visit. He informed me that he would be keeping his conversations with me down to a minimum (referring to his late inclusions to my blogs). Sort of a need-to-know basis. This has been a growing attitude of the populace around me. They bring up phrases like “canon food”, “innocent targets”, “cheap entertainment” etc. Be that as it may, I do have some more fodder to load into my cannon. So here goes:
As we draw near to US presidential elections the buzz begins. The Democrats come out to burn and the Republicans come out to conserve. Everybody puts on their “Uncle Sam” paper top hats and start to practice their rights to freedom of speech. Well I had an interesting conversation with my good buddy Henrietta the other night. The conversation had wondered to politics and she began to bemoan the state of the upcoming events as most usually do. “There is nobody worth choosing”. Then out of the blue she said “You know I was a republican for about five minutes once!”
I said “You Henrietta?! No kidding.”
“Yah, the five minutes it took me to seduce a Young Republican in college.”
My reply was “’gasp’ Henrietta!”
“Yup, I woke up the next morning with a headache wondering ’Where the hell am I’. Then it all came back to me and I saw him lying on my arm next to me. I had to knaw off my arm to keep from waking him up…. good times!”
I think at this point I said something rather sexest. Henrietta made a comment or two directed at yours truly. But things settled later quite well. We are still buddies.
But even so, Henrietta, ya still throw like a girl. Her response to this would probably be something like “Well Rusty, you spell like a moron!” It is interesting to mention at this point that Henrietta and I went to the same high school in Mexico City. I did not know her then but we met here in Bolivia. Small world.
More political conversation is that my wife saw the movie “Reds “ the other day. So now she is going around quoting some famous feminist-communist. It must have been Twiggy if I am not mistaken. The quote is; “Voting is the opiate of the masses!” Gosh, everybody has something to say accept me. Oh well I’ll figure something out.
FeO2
Anyhoo, in other news, my good friend Gym came over this weekend for a visit. He informed me that he would be keeping his conversations with me down to a minimum (referring to his late inclusions to my blogs). Sort of a need-to-know basis. This has been a growing attitude of the populace around me. They bring up phrases like “canon food”, “innocent targets”, “cheap entertainment” etc. Be that as it may, I do have some more fodder to load into my cannon. So here goes:
As we draw near to US presidential elections the buzz begins. The Democrats come out to burn and the Republicans come out to conserve. Everybody puts on their “Uncle Sam” paper top hats and start to practice their rights to freedom of speech. Well I had an interesting conversation with my good buddy Henrietta the other night. The conversation had wondered to politics and she began to bemoan the state of the upcoming events as most usually do. “There is nobody worth choosing”. Then out of the blue she said “You know I was a republican for about five minutes once!”
I said “You Henrietta?! No kidding.”
“Yah, the five minutes it took me to seduce a Young Republican in college.”
My reply was “’gasp’ Henrietta!”
“Yup, I woke up the next morning with a headache wondering ’Where the hell am I’. Then it all came back to me and I saw him lying on my arm next to me. I had to knaw off my arm to keep from waking him up…. good times!”
I think at this point I said something rather sexest. Henrietta made a comment or two directed at yours truly. But things settled later quite well. We are still buddies.
But even so, Henrietta, ya still throw like a girl. Her response to this would probably be something like “Well Rusty, you spell like a moron!” It is interesting to mention at this point that Henrietta and I went to the same high school in Mexico City. I did not know her then but we met here in Bolivia. Small world.
More political conversation is that my wife saw the movie “Reds “ the other day. So now she is going around quoting some famous feminist-communist. It must have been Twiggy if I am not mistaken. The quote is; “Voting is the opiate of the masses!” Gosh, everybody has something to say accept me. Oh well I’ll figure something out.
FeO2
# 21
The science of holding an adjacent individual..
There are two optimal locations on the human body for which to hold another as they fall asleep The first is the space where the proximal bicep muscle and the distal deltoid muscle intersect and the second is where the proximal deltoid and the and the lateral part of the pectoralis major muscle intersect. These two areas form a natural cradle between muscle bellies for the human cranium of another individual to settle on comfortably. That is comfort for both parties involved in the activity (or lack of activity). One must bare in mind that these two locations only work if the gleno-humoral joint (shoulder) is in an abducted-externally rotated position. There is one other location that is worth mentioning that functions as well and that is the cubital fossa (front of the elbow) with the arm basically in the same position.
This morning I woke up before anybody else in the family as I usually do with the sun. I went down stairs to see if anybody else was stirring. Nobody was until my movement woke up my 5 year old daughter. She was up like a bolt of lightening. I went into her room and told her that I was going to go back to sleep on her bed since she was not using it any more. She then proceeded to inform me that this activity was definitely prohibited in accordance to the mommy laws that were set into enforcement on the basis that no one should be getting into bed with dirty clothes on. I then informed Maddy that I had just put on my clothes and that they were clean. But Maddy as the marshal of her room would not be dissuaded by mere technicalities. So I was obliged to remove my person from her location of evening retirement.
Soon after this I was further informed by the girl of what she expected to be served for her post nocturnal meal. I agreed and told her that we need to inform her brother of these for planned events.
I opened Thomas’ door and said gently “Good morning Thomas”. At which I received no reply. I then crawled onto the top bunk where he was still silently slumbering and lay beside him and gave him a slight nudge at which he responded by lifting his head and moving it toward me. For some reason I responded out of reflex and extended my arm and his head came to rest on my shoulder.
I was hit all of a sudden by a flood of memories. Thomas’ infancy began to relive itself. I realized that I had not held Thomas like this in probably what had been perhaps five years. I was taken back to the South American sub- tropical city of Santa Cruz on a misty-humid dusk. Here I am holding a baby on my shoulder while sitting crossways in a hammock. The baby is wiggling as babies usually do when they are tired and slightly fussy. The child eventually falls into a deep sleep on my shoulder as the hammock swings back and forth. He seems to gain two pounds as his little body finally relaxes into a little human pile on top of me. At this moment there is nothing else in the world that seems to exist at that accept me and him.
I don’t know how long I maintained this state of weightlessness but it was not long till the little Marshal came in and popped my bubble. This was done by her informing me in a no non-sense manner that she was hungry and had waited quite long enough for her meal.
Sometimes the day ends before if begins.
FeO2
There are two optimal locations on the human body for which to hold another as they fall asleep The first is the space where the proximal bicep muscle and the distal deltoid muscle intersect and the second is where the proximal deltoid and the and the lateral part of the pectoralis major muscle intersect. These two areas form a natural cradle between muscle bellies for the human cranium of another individual to settle on comfortably. That is comfort for both parties involved in the activity (or lack of activity). One must bare in mind that these two locations only work if the gleno-humoral joint (shoulder) is in an abducted-externally rotated position. There is one other location that is worth mentioning that functions as well and that is the cubital fossa (front of the elbow) with the arm basically in the same position.
This morning I woke up before anybody else in the family as I usually do with the sun. I went down stairs to see if anybody else was stirring. Nobody was until my movement woke up my 5 year old daughter. She was up like a bolt of lightening. I went into her room and told her that I was going to go back to sleep on her bed since she was not using it any more. She then proceeded to inform me that this activity was definitely prohibited in accordance to the mommy laws that were set into enforcement on the basis that no one should be getting into bed with dirty clothes on. I then informed Maddy that I had just put on my clothes and that they were clean. But Maddy as the marshal of her room would not be dissuaded by mere technicalities. So I was obliged to remove my person from her location of evening retirement.
Soon after this I was further informed by the girl of what she expected to be served for her post nocturnal meal. I agreed and told her that we need to inform her brother of these for planned events.
I opened Thomas’ door and said gently “Good morning Thomas”. At which I received no reply. I then crawled onto the top bunk where he was still silently slumbering and lay beside him and gave him a slight nudge at which he responded by lifting his head and moving it toward me. For some reason I responded out of reflex and extended my arm and his head came to rest on my shoulder.
I was hit all of a sudden by a flood of memories. Thomas’ infancy began to relive itself. I realized that I had not held Thomas like this in probably what had been perhaps five years. I was taken back to the South American sub- tropical city of Santa Cruz on a misty-humid dusk. Here I am holding a baby on my shoulder while sitting crossways in a hammock. The baby is wiggling as babies usually do when they are tired and slightly fussy. The child eventually falls into a deep sleep on my shoulder as the hammock swings back and forth. He seems to gain two pounds as his little body finally relaxes into a little human pile on top of me. At this moment there is nothing else in the world that seems to exist at that accept me and him.
I don’t know how long I maintained this state of weightlessness but it was not long till the little Marshal came in and popped my bubble. This was done by her informing me in a no non-sense manner that she was hungry and had waited quite long enough for her meal.
Sometimes the day ends before if begins.
FeO2
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