# 39 08/Oct./07

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39) 08/Oct./07

Captains Blog; Playing chess with the Devil.
So lately I have been thinking more along the philosophical side of mortality. This last week I read “Do Androids Dream of Electrical Sheep?” the novel that the movie Blade Runner was based on. Very cool read! So as I got to the end of this book I started thinking about life and death. I was wondering how exactly I will handle this subject as future situations present themselves. In doing all this I came up with a game plan. So I will share it with you all.
For some reason I thought of my mother-in-law Irene first. I decided that the best plan for her when her time comes is to deal with my grief and loss in the following fashion: first I plan to break down in the viewing line and start wailing like a lunatic. At this time family and close ones will be obliged to move me down the line. I will reluctantly move along but at the last moment I will run back to the coffin and throw my arms around my cold dead mother-in-law and wave my fist toward the church ceiling and yell with briny tears running down my emaciated face “WHY GOD…WHY!!! WHY COULD YOU NOT HAVE TAKIN’ ME INSTEAD! BAH-HAH-HAH (sob-sob, heave-heave)”. Then at this time the same people who moved me on before will have to pull me off the coffin and move me down the church isle. Then about half way down the isle I am going to break loose once again and tear back down to the coffin and latch my person to the vessel of mortality. When they come to get me the third time they will pull me and the coffin that I am still clinging to down the isle until I loose my grip and leave grand screeching, scratch marks on the wood lid. Once loose they will have to take me into some back room and secure me with the skating-cigar-smoking monkeys, dancing poodles, and juggling hippies that I will personally contract for the reception after the funeral.
This is the general performance I plan on producing with my other mother-in-law Audrey and my regular mother as well. With Jack my father-in-law I plan on doing the same thing slightly different to increase the drama. Perhaps I will recruit the talents of Jacks son Gavin to hold the garden hose spray over me to create the gloominess of rain and perhaps Tammy can stand off to the side and raddle around full- spine radiographs to simulate the sound of thunder. I am still working on somebody to do the lighting flashes. If there are any readers who have any ideas or want to volunteer other services they would be much welcomed. As for my father I plan on just putting him into an orange crate and nailing it shut. Then I will set him a drift in Lake Titicaca. This will be close to where he was born and I think he would probably appreciate this best.
If my children would even have half this consideration for me I would be smiling as I cross that river
Have a great week!.
FeO2