Yesterday I went to lunch at a local reunion of all the Anglican/ Episcopalian clergy in the Bolivian diocese which was being held at the Bishops house here in Cochabamba. After lunch the bishop’s wife walked into the house with this gigantic cast on her hand. I thought for kicks I would squeeze her “cast” and ask her if it hurt. “Ha-ha” right? Well as luck would have it when I squeezed the supposed cast the bishop’s wife let out a blood curdling scream. Apparently the cast was not a cast but a bandage instead. Nothing is what it seems any more. Give me the days when a cast was a cast and sharp, shooting, exquisite pain is what it seems! Anyway the bishop’s wife started screaming and crying then all of a sudden she bent over and latched her jaws onto my arm and held this excruciating grip for what seemed to be an eternity. I really did not know what to do at this point. “What would Jesus do?”
Then later I took my parents to dinner with all the priests that were united for this weekend meeting. I took my parents because my father is an Anglican priest and he did not have a ride as he was from out of town. My mother who is also an ordained deacon was part of the group. So there I am in the middle of all these priests and the bishop. Well, as any one in their proper mind would do I ordered several beers to take the edge off the pressure of the company that I was in. So after a couple of mean liters the bishop asked me how my trip went to Chile and if I had ridden any funiculars. I then told him that we had indeed ridden a funicular to the top of the center hill of Santiago to where there is a big statue of the Virgin Mary. But what I apparently said was “I went up to the virgin but I did not get up on top of her…heh-heh…hiccup!” At this point I felt my parents sphincters tighten from 8 feet away and one of the younger priest dropped his head to the table and lost himself in uncontrollable laughter. Unfortunately he was the only one that really laughed. Their were two other priests that gave up a couple of nervous snickers and everybody else was silent. The Bishop then looked at me sideways and said “Amen brother.” As if to say “It’s a good thing you did not!”
If Gym would have been there he would have been right proud of his little bastard.
Steady as she goes!
FeO2
Three Religiions
Facing the wall
April 1, 2008, Party Favorites by Rusty
Captains Blog: “Party Favorites by Rusty”
So I just got back from Chile where we did various touristy type activities. One of these activities was to ride the “funicular”. Right now you may be asking “What the hell is a funicular?” It is sort of a tram/trolley system that transport people and things up steep grades and hills in Chile. Chile has been famous for these apparatti for many years. So while I was riding these things I came up with a cool activity that you can do whenever you get together to impress your hoity-toitty friends at a party, barmitzfas, or what ever. What you do is start making up sentences where you can interchange the words “funicular” and “vernacular”. Example: “I spoke to her in her own local (funicular/vernacular) and she understood me.” Believe me there are thousands of combinations. Once you get this going at a graduation or wedding you will find that you and your friends will soon be laughing copiously like a bunch of friggin’ idiots. The party never ends with one of these Rusty’s social suggestions for party fun. (BTW, Did I mention the weed and the LSD is a given?)
So concludes the report of my trip to Chile.
Oh wait! I forgot to mention that I got a couple cool new posters for my random poster collection. For those of you who do not know I have this hobby of collecting random posters in the different countries that I go to. (Christmas getting’ ideas…hint-hint, wink-wink, say no more) These posters are usually found on walls, windows, and such of used book stores and coffee shops. They will usually be announcing cultural events like theaters, concerts and other things that have cool graphics. Chile rendered “The Marijuana Monologues” and “Terror Fest”. Unfortunately I had all these posters in a role that I left in my seat on the airplane when I got up to go to the bathroom. When I came back to my seat I found that Captain (who WAS a friend of ours) sitting in my seat chatting with Tammy and the other people that we were traveling with. To my chagrin my posters tightly tucked under his arse. Damn it! That’s the last time I fly LAN Chile even if they are a part of the so-called apocalyptical “One World Alliance”.
So take a look at the pics of the trip!
http://picasaweb.google.com/rustyfirestone/ChilePics
Feo2
So I just got back from Chile where we did various touristy type activities. One of these activities was to ride the “funicular”. Right now you may be asking “What the hell is a funicular?” It is sort of a tram/trolley system that transport people and things up steep grades and hills in Chile. Chile has been famous for these apparatti for many years. So while I was riding these things I came up with a cool activity that you can do whenever you get together to impress your hoity-toitty friends at a party, barmitzfas, or what ever. What you do is start making up sentences where you can interchange the words “funicular” and “vernacular”. Example: “I spoke to her in her own local (funicular/vernacular) and she understood me.” Believe me there are thousands of combinations. Once you get this going at a graduation or wedding you will find that you and your friends will soon be laughing copiously like a bunch of friggin’ idiots. The party never ends with one of these Rusty’s social suggestions for party fun. (BTW, Did I mention the weed and the LSD is a given?)
So concludes the report of my trip to Chile.
Oh wait! I forgot to mention that I got a couple cool new posters for my random poster collection. For those of you who do not know I have this hobby of collecting random posters in the different countries that I go to. (Christmas getting’ ideas…hint-hint, wink-wink, say no more) These posters are usually found on walls, windows, and such of used book stores and coffee shops. They will usually be announcing cultural events like theaters, concerts and other things that have cool graphics. Chile rendered “The Marijuana Monologues” and “Terror Fest”. Unfortunately I had all these posters in a role that I left in my seat on the airplane when I got up to go to the bathroom. When I came back to my seat I found that Captain (who WAS a friend of ours) sitting in my seat chatting with Tammy and the other people that we were traveling with. To my chagrin my posters tightly tucked under his arse. Damn it! That’s the last time I fly LAN Chile even if they are a part of the so-called apocalyptical “One World Alliance”.
So take a look at the pics of the trip!
http://picasaweb.google.com/rustyfirestone/ChilePics
Feo2
7th of March, 2008 Drugs-drugs-drugs!
Johnnie, my secretary, was slightly limping around the office this am. I did not have to ask him what was up as he has recently been complaining about this pain he has been having in his ankle. Every chance he has had he has been lifting his pant leg to show me how he has been suffering. I gave him several recommendations but as usual he ignored me. So this am I heard my last complaint and I told him to lie down on the table face down. I told him to loosen his drawers. His eyes got really big and he looked at me with disbelief. Then I had to order him. At which point he proceeded to get down on the table. I took out a syringe and an anti-inflammatory and started the process of drawing the medication.
He then looked at me and said “You are so calm when you do that.”
I said “That is because it is not me who is lying on the table, heh-heh.” So when I finally got around to the harpooning part I was surprised to see and feel how easy the needle just slid right into Johnnie’s ass. I was expecting the skin to resist a little more than it did. Another thing that I noticed is that Johnnie had really smooth and soft buttocks. Who would a thunk it!?!? Anywhoo, Johnnie got off the table fastened his belt and went back to his desk. I said “Como esta la nacha ahora?” He didn’t say much. The next time he came back to give me a file I noticed his slight limp had turned into a severe and pronounced limp. But I have not heard a single complaint from him for the rest of the day. So I may conclude that the therapy was a success. Yeah!
In other news early this am before I went to the office for work I went down to visit Don Alfredo my neighbor and close friend. When I got there he started to tell me how his last renter grew this crazy plant and that he just found out it was a marijuana plant. Oddly enough for all his being aghast over the situation he had not thrown the plant away or destroyed it. I said to him after noticing this “Alfredo, why you are just letting this plant go to waste….I mean it is just sitting there drying up. Doesn’t it have some kind of use or something?”
So I am sure that all of you are wondering what exactly I will be doing this weekend. Well since Ginsberg my black lab has gone into heat I plan on inviting Dino the neighbors blond male lab to come over. This will be the second time Dino has been over this heat. The first time he was a complete failure cuz he is a wimp. This time I plan on holding Ginsberg in a head lock to keep her from moving. Well on second thought I better try some kind of hold-down maneuver that does not require me to turn my back to Dino. I do not trust his intelligence as of late.
Anyway I would like to give a shout to all my friends out there in e-mail land! Thanks for the pic.s Jan! Paula try to stay alive out there it’s a dog-eat-dog world! Sofia you mamma and I are still friends. Gym, have an extra hot-dog for me while you are in the US at that spring training game while you are supposed to be working! Shane keep shoveling that snow. Ron keep the birdie pics commin'. LeMel where the hell is that blog site?!?!? Daryl those truly were amazing pic.s of holes in the ground ya sent over. Keep on using your time wisely! Joanne, I would totally be board without your am online chats! Thanks for the stimulating e-mail debates Unkie Ray but your pagan Scandinavian roots are starting to show! And yes all, Tammy will be playing the role of the harlot (la putita) in the church play! So if anybody is interested in a DVD of the play let me know.
Have a great weekend!
FeO2
He then looked at me and said “You are so calm when you do that.”
I said “That is because it is not me who is lying on the table, heh-heh.” So when I finally got around to the harpooning part I was surprised to see and feel how easy the needle just slid right into Johnnie’s ass. I was expecting the skin to resist a little more than it did. Another thing that I noticed is that Johnnie had really smooth and soft buttocks. Who would a thunk it!?!? Anywhoo, Johnnie got off the table fastened his belt and went back to his desk. I said “Como esta la nacha ahora?” He didn’t say much. The next time he came back to give me a file I noticed his slight limp had turned into a severe and pronounced limp. But I have not heard a single complaint from him for the rest of the day. So I may conclude that the therapy was a success. Yeah!
In other news early this am before I went to the office for work I went down to visit Don Alfredo my neighbor and close friend. When I got there he started to tell me how his last renter grew this crazy plant and that he just found out it was a marijuana plant. Oddly enough for all his being aghast over the situation he had not thrown the plant away or destroyed it. I said to him after noticing this “Alfredo, why you are just letting this plant go to waste….I mean it is just sitting there drying up. Doesn’t it have some kind of use or something?”
So I am sure that all of you are wondering what exactly I will be doing this weekend. Well since Ginsberg my black lab has gone into heat I plan on inviting Dino the neighbors blond male lab to come over. This will be the second time Dino has been over this heat. The first time he was a complete failure cuz he is a wimp. This time I plan on holding Ginsberg in a head lock to keep her from moving. Well on second thought I better try some kind of hold-down maneuver that does not require me to turn my back to Dino. I do not trust his intelligence as of late.
Anyway I would like to give a shout to all my friends out there in e-mail land! Thanks for the pic.s Jan! Paula try to stay alive out there it’s a dog-eat-dog world! Sofia you mamma and I are still friends. Gym, have an extra hot-dog for me while you are in the US at that spring training game while you are supposed to be working! Shane keep shoveling that snow. Ron keep the birdie pics commin'. LeMel where the hell is that blog site?!?!? Daryl those truly were amazing pic.s of holes in the ground ya sent over. Keep on using your time wisely! Joanne, I would totally be board without your am online chats! Thanks for the stimulating e-mail debates Unkie Ray but your pagan Scandinavian roots are starting to show! And yes all, Tammy will be playing the role of the harlot (la putita) in the church play! So if anybody is interested in a DVD of the play let me know.
Have a great weekend!
FeO2
So the results are in. I have just got back the responses to my last blog. They are the following:
Offy said; “….the point is this. I blame Jhonny for [my] back injury, it was his fault that I was playing footie that night a year ago, so next time you’re feeling up his arse, give it a big SLAP for me and tell him that he owes me $200 for his ping pong table that’s been ready for him for several months.”
Rusty said; “Dude “playing footie (Offy’s way of saying footsies, I guess) with Johnnie”? It just may be you who will be seeing Johnnies arse next.”
Offy’s response to the pic. was; “I thought we were going to see a pic of you administering said drugs to his other pin cushion?”
Rusty said; “Apparently I will be leaving that one for you, Big Daddy!”
Then Sofa Loaf said; “Hee-hee! You made a funny! You touched Johnnie's booty!!!”
Rusy said; “Well when you put it that way I am afraid you are right. But is this the same as touching Johnnie in his pants? Should I have myself tested?”
Sofa Loaf’s response to the Pic. was; “What a pair. Makes me want to hug myself.”
Rusty said; “Knock yourself out!”
Then LeMel said; “What the hell, Rusty, I blog at the same site you do! Do you mean to say to me that you wouldn't be able to find your own ass if I held a mirror for you? On the other hand, I haven't posted anything in a while.”
Rusty said; “I guess but I didn’t need one to find Johnnies arse! Heh-heh.”
Then Anastasias response to the pic. was; “that is a SEXY picture of you two.”
Rusty said; “FINALLY a woman with taste!!!!”
Then Anastasia said; “I had to put is as my screen saver. Its been awhile since I had seen so much hotness in one place.”
Rusty said; “Your the reason God created women! Dan is sooo lucky to have you! I take back everything I have said in the past about you! You have just redeemed your sex.”
“As a young boy when you get splashed by a mud puddle on the way to school, you wonder if you should go home and change, but be late for school, or go to school and be dirty and soaking wet. Well while he tried to decide, I drove by and splashed him again!” Yet another Deep Thought frome Jack Handey.
Have a great week!
FeO2
Offy said; “….the point is this. I blame Jhonny for [my] back injury, it was his fault that I was playing footie that night a year ago, so next time you’re feeling up his arse, give it a big SLAP for me and tell him that he owes me $200 for his ping pong table that’s been ready for him for several months.”
Rusty said; “Dude “playing footie (Offy’s way of saying footsies, I guess) with Johnnie”? It just may be you who will be seeing Johnnies arse next.”
Offy’s response to the pic. was; “I thought we were going to see a pic of you administering said drugs to his other pin cushion?”
Rusty said; “Apparently I will be leaving that one for you, Big Daddy!”
Then Sofa Loaf said; “Hee-hee! You made a funny! You touched Johnnie's booty!!!”
Rusy said; “Well when you put it that way I am afraid you are right. But is this the same as touching Johnnie in his pants? Should I have myself tested?”
Sofa Loaf’s response to the Pic. was; “What a pair. Makes me want to hug myself.”
Rusty said; “Knock yourself out!”
Then LeMel said; “What the hell, Rusty, I blog at the same site you do! Do you mean to say to me that you wouldn't be able to find your own ass if I held a mirror for you? On the other hand, I haven't posted anything in a while.”
Rusty said; “I guess but I didn’t need one to find Johnnies arse! Heh-heh.”
Then Anastasias response to the pic. was; “that is a SEXY picture of you two.”
Rusty said; “FINALLY a woman with taste!!!!”
Then Anastasia said; “I had to put is as my screen saver. Its been awhile since I had seen so much hotness in one place.”
Rusty said; “Your the reason God created women! Dan is sooo lucky to have you! I take back everything I have said in the past about you! You have just redeemed your sex.”
“As a young boy when you get splashed by a mud puddle on the way to school, you wonder if you should go home and change, but be late for school, or go to school and be dirty and soaking wet. Well while he tried to decide, I drove by and splashed him again!” Yet another Deep Thought frome Jack Handey.
Have a great week!
FeO2
29th of Feb. 2008 (leap year) Cursin', Spittin' an' fightin'!
I decided to take my “Deluxe Cat Flap” to a carpenter who is making me a few new doors. In doing so I requested that he incorporate in this cat door into one of the human (Homo-Saipan “Yo, I ain’t down wid dat”) doors. After I had explained what I wanted to the carpenter he gave me this strange look like “What will you sick-perverted gringos think of next. Why in the hell would you want small animals just entering your house at random”. I then sensed his discomfort using my very acute super power of intercultural sensitivity. It was at this point that I gave him my best Spanky wink to relax him and to let him know that everything was cool! But for some reason this did not seem to put the poor bastard at ease. I really do not know why this did not work as it has always worked for Spanky. Could it be that all my years in putting faith in the Little Rascals has led me astray? Naaahhh!
Speaking of the cat, I was watching her yesterday “off” a gerbil/guinea pig. It reminded me of what Dan from LA told me once that house cats are the most vicious feline killers there are. Most animals in the feline class only kill for defense or for food. But the common house cat is the only one that kills for pleasure. So I thought of this as I watched Jack the Cat torturing this poor bleeding rodent. I had to turn my head even though you would think that I would be desensitized to this type of thing after seeing John Rambo. But it is just not true. Rambo did not blast any cute rodents. He just did a bunch of evil Burmese soldiers who were already going to hell anyway. I mean what do us as humans really care about them anyway.
Speaking about human, when Tammy got home today she told me to avoid the main route into town cuz there was a truck-driver fight going on in the middle of the road. So what did I do? You right! The redneck-hillbilly part of me says “This ain't som’in’ you wanna miss out on”. Sos I goes straightway to the wrastlin’ an’ cursin’. All the way there I could see some guys named Juancho and Claudino (typical Bolivian names) dukin’ it out. I was as giddy as a school girl. You know when you go to these events that you are always supposed to cheer for the guy who looks like he is loosing. Stuff like “Getem widcha good arm Juancho!”, “ Bite-em with that loose tooth Claudino!”, and last but not least “Get up Claudino…. what are you doing Juancho, keep kicking Claudino while he is down! No not there, you fool! In the crotch or the head! You will never get anywhere that way!”
Have a great weekend!
FeO2
Speaking of the cat, I was watching her yesterday “off” a gerbil/guinea pig. It reminded me of what Dan from LA told me once that house cats are the most vicious feline killers there are. Most animals in the feline class only kill for defense or for food. But the common house cat is the only one that kills for pleasure. So I thought of this as I watched Jack the Cat torturing this poor bleeding rodent. I had to turn my head even though you would think that I would be desensitized to this type of thing after seeing John Rambo. But it is just not true. Rambo did not blast any cute rodents. He just did a bunch of evil Burmese soldiers who were already going to hell anyway. I mean what do us as humans really care about them anyway.
Speaking about human, when Tammy got home today she told me to avoid the main route into town cuz there was a truck-driver fight going on in the middle of the road. So what did I do? You right! The redneck-hillbilly part of me says “This ain't som’in’ you wanna miss out on”. Sos I goes straightway to the wrastlin’ an’ cursin’. All the way there I could see some guys named Juancho and Claudino (typical Bolivian names) dukin’ it out. I was as giddy as a school girl. You know when you go to these events that you are always supposed to cheer for the guy who looks like he is loosing. Stuff like “Getem widcha good arm Juancho!”, “ Bite-em with that loose tooth Claudino!”, and last but not least “Get up Claudino…. what are you doing Juancho, keep kicking Claudino while he is down! No not there, you fool! In the crotch or the head! You will never get anywhere that way!”
Have a great weekend!
FeO2
Feb., 15, 2008, Random book review
I just got finished reading “BORAT: Touristic Guidings to Minor Nation of U.S. and A. and Touristic Guidings to Glorious Nation of Kazakhstan” by Borat Sagdiyev,. The publishing states that it is a follow up to the movie. There, of course, are lots of pictures and as you can as well imagine this made the book for me.
In his book Borat claims that Alaska is a leper colony. I hear no one arguing this one. I would even add to this and say that large parts of Utah, Idaho, and Texas are refuges for the infamous Hanson’s disease as well.
He then goes on to mention some of the great sports that are practiced in his glorious country. One was the lifting of various automotive parts with ones manly hood. This is done by tethering one end of a nylon cord to the male appendage and the other end of the chord to the desired vehicle part or accessory. We are led to believe that Borates personal record is a tractor battery. Of course it is hard to deny as there is a picture of the author with said chord dangling from what looks to be a strained little piece of white flesh being stretched about a half inch below his super tight jogging shorts all the while suspending a battery about 2 inches off the floor on the opposite end of the chord. In the picture Borat bares and extreme expression of strain. He then goes on to state that the international record in this sport is some guys name which I cannot recall (or “misremember” if your name is Roger Clemens) who lifted an entire farm tractor gear box. Hats off! There was also the endurance sport of lifting and carrying women cross country against there will but I was not that impressed by this event. Borat or Sacha Baron Cohen which is the authors real name touches on that which all cultures often typically err on. And that is “different” is not only strange but inferior. He has ludicrously turned it on one of the most powerful nations on the planet. Pure ironic genius! He mocks Americans all the while making them laugh at his perceived backward vulgarity.
Anyway after finishing Borats book I shamefully admit that I am retuning to “The Fountainhead” by Ain Rand. This is a book that I have been reading ever since my vacation in Florida with my in-laws. I have been in and out of this one quite a bit. I think I have taken breaks from Ain about 3-4 times to read other books. Perhaps what keeps bringing me back is my affinity to irony. Ain is good at this.
But what I have been most impressed about so far was not so much the book itself but my father-in-laws first comment about it when he asked me what I was reading. He said “You mean to tell me your are reading ‘The Fountainhead’ by Ain Rand. The book that starts off with ‘Howard Roark laughed. He stood naked at the edge of a cliff.’ I remember when that line was read to me back in the 60’s.” Apparently when Jack had this read to him he was a life guard and he would have his pool bunnies read to him. All the while other bunnies (not the smart one reading) would rub down his magnificent bod’ with cocoa oils and only God know what else. They would start with his bulging biceps, slide to his doubling deltoids, and then finally move on to his elongated longisimus brevis muscle (Hey look, an oxymoron in the Latin language. How many of you smarty pants out there can do this with a dead language. Yes-yes, I know I am an ox and a moron…Gym). It was amazing that he was able to rescue as many lives as he did while munching on all those grapes. But he saved the day! No one was as cool as Jack Walther at that pool. When I grow up I want to be just like him.
In his book Borat claims that Alaska is a leper colony. I hear no one arguing this one. I would even add to this and say that large parts of Utah, Idaho, and Texas are refuges for the infamous Hanson’s disease as well.
He then goes on to mention some of the great sports that are practiced in his glorious country. One was the lifting of various automotive parts with ones manly hood. This is done by tethering one end of a nylon cord to the male appendage and the other end of the chord to the desired vehicle part or accessory. We are led to believe that Borates personal record is a tractor battery. Of course it is hard to deny as there is a picture of the author with said chord dangling from what looks to be a strained little piece of white flesh being stretched about a half inch below his super tight jogging shorts all the while suspending a battery about 2 inches off the floor on the opposite end of the chord. In the picture Borat bares and extreme expression of strain. He then goes on to state that the international record in this sport is some guys name which I cannot recall (or “misremember” if your name is Roger Clemens) who lifted an entire farm tractor gear box. Hats off! There was also the endurance sport of lifting and carrying women cross country against there will but I was not that impressed by this event. Borat or Sacha Baron Cohen which is the authors real name touches on that which all cultures often typically err on. And that is “different” is not only strange but inferior. He has ludicrously turned it on one of the most powerful nations on the planet. Pure ironic genius! He mocks Americans all the while making them laugh at his perceived backward vulgarity.
Anyway after finishing Borats book I shamefully admit that I am retuning to “The Fountainhead” by Ain Rand. This is a book that I have been reading ever since my vacation in Florida with my in-laws. I have been in and out of this one quite a bit. I think I have taken breaks from Ain about 3-4 times to read other books. Perhaps what keeps bringing me back is my affinity to irony. Ain is good at this.
But what I have been most impressed about so far was not so much the book itself but my father-in-laws first comment about it when he asked me what I was reading. He said “You mean to tell me your are reading ‘The Fountainhead’ by Ain Rand. The book that starts off with ‘Howard Roark laughed. He stood naked at the edge of a cliff.’ I remember when that line was read to me back in the 60’s.” Apparently when Jack had this read to him he was a life guard and he would have his pool bunnies read to him. All the while other bunnies (not the smart one reading) would rub down his magnificent bod’ with cocoa oils and only God know what else. They would start with his bulging biceps, slide to his doubling deltoids, and then finally move on to his elongated longisimus brevis muscle (Hey look, an oxymoron in the Latin language. How many of you smarty pants out there can do this with a dead language. Yes-yes, I know I am an ox and a moron…Gym). It was amazing that he was able to rescue as many lives as he did while munching on all those grapes. But he saved the day! No one was as cool as Jack Walther at that pool. When I grow up I want to be just like him.
FeO2
Feb. 3rd 2008, Ethnic foods and why they are hell fires straight from the bowels El Diablo…and the ramblings of an insane man
Last night Tammy aroused me from what seemed to be a disturbed sleep. (As I am usually easily aroused…so I am told.) She then explained to me that I was whimpering and growling in my sleep. I must say that this is not a usual habit of mine. A’hoo, after I was awoke I lay there with lingering visions of walking down and a cold, dark, eerie, La Paz street in the middle of the night. Then all of the sudden being attacked by dozens of street urchins with sky masks on. At first they just wanted to shine my shoes but then upon finding out I was wearing my father-in-laws pink neoprene deck slippers (not shine able) violence insured. I had to start to fight them off left and right “Street Fighter” style! And to tell you the truth I was not doing too bad waving my hands around and doing my Bruce Lee “oooooOOOooooOOOoo”. But while I was in the middle of opening up a Can-o-Wup-Ass Tammy decided that I had had enough and woke me up just in the middle of my moment of glory. But then I felt the churning of the partially digested vittles of insanity from the orient!
This is the first dream that I remember since the last time I ate Indean food with my friends Gym and his wife. That last time I had actually stayed at their house to take a nap. In my fitful slumber there I dreamed that I went to hell. Like I said before, it was not all as bad as it is always chalked up to be by most western religiosity. It is like going to visit your cousins on the farm when you were fifteen and cool. First the smell kind of annoys ya then the next thing ya know you’re making out with your cousin in the hay-loft and for some reason it does not matter that she is 20 years older than you with 5 kids of her own. “Fucked up” you might say, but remember it IS hell.
FeO2
This is the first dream that I remember since the last time I ate Indean food with my friends Gym and his wife. That last time I had actually stayed at their house to take a nap. In my fitful slumber there I dreamed that I went to hell. Like I said before, it was not all as bad as it is always chalked up to be by most western religiosity. It is like going to visit your cousins on the farm when you were fifteen and cool. First the smell kind of annoys ya then the next thing ya know you’re making out with your cousin in the hay-loft and for some reason it does not matter that she is 20 years older than you with 5 kids of her own. “Fucked up” you might say, but remember it IS hell.
FeO2
An afternoon at the matinee with short people
Yesterday marked the last full day I would be without my wife alone with the kids. Tammy has been gone to California visiting one of the MIL units (Mother in Law) as they seem to be a plethora of them around as of late.
Last Thursday my good buddy Christina took Thomas my oldest to the theater with her eldest Niko to see “The Golden Compass”. Her youngest, little Jake and my youngest, “Taddlein’ Madelyn” were both deemed to small to see the movie as they would get scared. So I became the man in charge while Christina went to see her movie while taking along her 2 excuses to get in as an adult. Of course I had absolutely no problem with this as the maid was the one who would be in charge half of the time cuz that day I got home from the office around 6:00. So when I finally did get home I had complaints of how unfair it was that the older ones got to see a longer movie than they did and that their video ended a long time ago. As if the THREE older ones started to watch their movie as soon as the door closed behind them.
The next morning when I was at the gym I looked through the papers to see if there were any other kiddie movies so I could fight the reported injustices that were delt to these poor marginalized people as I have always championed the short. So I found that “Alvin and the Chipmunks” or as they say around here “Alveen y las Ardillas” was showing. Now I know what you are thinking right about now “Sure Rusty…a movie for the kids...riiight.” Well think what you must, but I will say one thing in my defense, it is a lot easier taking kids to movies that you will enjoy than taking them to stuff you have to suffer through Pokemon for example. Besides it really was the Maddy and Jakes turn. So Saturday late morning Jake, aka Jakey, aka “el Juaquo” (pronounced “whoo-ǒ-ko”, I think I am the only one who calls him this….were buds) and Maddy both 6 set off for the their part of the great South American dream, their slice of the pie if you will.
So we got the theater a half hour late and ended up buying tickets for the next function which left us with about 45 minutes to kill. We were pretty close to lunch time so I decided to take the kids to the food court. When I sat them down Maddy started to pound her little fists on the table and chant a chant which she learned from Grandpa Jack aka “Um-papa” (pronounced “oom-papa”) on our last visit to the US “Food and water-for me and my men, food and water….”which upon reception of her hamburger she had four bites and announced she was done and turned around in her seat. This would be because everybody knows that there is always much more interesting things going on behind the table chair than what is in front of it. I had to force feed her half of the sandwich.
So about fifteen minutes later we got into the theater and both kids started to demand popcorn. Hmm. They presented a good argument though and this was that they wanted it! Who can argue with that! So they got a medium to share? We all headed to the ‘’sala” where at the door both kids grabbed their booster chair (for maximum enjoyment of the cinematic arts as needed by vertically impaired people). As I sat them down by each other I fitted the popcorn cup into the cup holder between them with an ominous feeling about the immediate future. About half way through the film and a third the way through the popcorn a little leg shot forward which was about the same level as the pop corn thanks to my friend the booster seat and knocked the popcorn cup on to the floor. When I picked it up I was only able to salvage the last third and replace it to its original position. Well the smacking and chomping sounds continued as Alvin and his consortium sang on. Around about the 18th stanza I noticed both Juaquo and Maddy were now on their feet and every now and then making quick dips and bows but never staying down to long as not to miss a musical note. It was kinda like that game at Chuckie-Cheeses where gophers heads pop out of their little holes and you whack them with the padded mallet all the while learning valuable lessons of environmental conservation. Of course there was nothing to pop these kids in the head with so I just sat there and let them continue building the flora in the GI Tracts. So a good time was had by all.
Later, on the way home I had to stop by the office to pick something up. So of course both children went in with me. This was apparently little Juaquos first stop by my office so upon walking into the reception room he was dually impressed when he saw my bicycle leaning against some seats (as I often ride my bicycle to work).
Jakey said to Maddy:
“Wow! There’s a bicycle”
Maddy: “Yah, my daddy rides it when Mommy won’t let him drive”
Any way they followed me back to the consult room as children this age just do not stay put. Then Little Juaquo got this smug look on his little face and started smack his little hands together as if he was dusting them off and said “So…this is where the doctor works ay.”
The response was “Yup, when he is not singing with Alvin, Simon, and Theodore”
Which by the way is not such a bad film if you like singing gerbils.
Have a great week!
FeO2
Last Thursday my good buddy Christina took Thomas my oldest to the theater with her eldest Niko to see “The Golden Compass”. Her youngest, little Jake and my youngest, “Taddlein’ Madelyn” were both deemed to small to see the movie as they would get scared. So I became the man in charge while Christina went to see her movie while taking along her 2 excuses to get in as an adult. Of course I had absolutely no problem with this as the maid was the one who would be in charge half of the time cuz that day I got home from the office around 6:00. So when I finally did get home I had complaints of how unfair it was that the older ones got to see a longer movie than they did and that their video ended a long time ago. As if the THREE older ones started to watch their movie as soon as the door closed behind them.
The next morning when I was at the gym I looked through the papers to see if there were any other kiddie movies so I could fight the reported injustices that were delt to these poor marginalized people as I have always championed the short. So I found that “Alvin and the Chipmunks” or as they say around here “Alveen y las Ardillas” was showing. Now I know what you are thinking right about now “Sure Rusty…a movie for the kids...riiight.” Well think what you must, but I will say one thing in my defense, it is a lot easier taking kids to movies that you will enjoy than taking them to stuff you have to suffer through Pokemon for example. Besides it really was the Maddy and Jakes turn. So Saturday late morning Jake, aka Jakey, aka “el Juaquo” (pronounced “whoo-ǒ-ko”, I think I am the only one who calls him this….were buds) and Maddy both 6 set off for the their part of the great South American dream, their slice of the pie if you will.
So we got the theater a half hour late and ended up buying tickets for the next function which left us with about 45 minutes to kill. We were pretty close to lunch time so I decided to take the kids to the food court. When I sat them down Maddy started to pound her little fists on the table and chant a chant which she learned from Grandpa Jack aka “Um-papa” (pronounced “oom-papa”) on our last visit to the US “Food and water-for me and my men, food and water….”which upon reception of her hamburger she had four bites and announced she was done and turned around in her seat. This would be because everybody knows that there is always much more interesting things going on behind the table chair than what is in front of it. I had to force feed her half of the sandwich.
So about fifteen minutes later we got into the theater and both kids started to demand popcorn. Hmm. They presented a good argument though and this was that they wanted it! Who can argue with that! So they got a medium to share? We all headed to the ‘’sala” where at the door both kids grabbed their booster chair (for maximum enjoyment of the cinematic arts as needed by vertically impaired people). As I sat them down by each other I fitted the popcorn cup into the cup holder between them with an ominous feeling about the immediate future. About half way through the film and a third the way through the popcorn a little leg shot forward which was about the same level as the pop corn thanks to my friend the booster seat and knocked the popcorn cup on to the floor. When I picked it up I was only able to salvage the last third and replace it to its original position. Well the smacking and chomping sounds continued as Alvin and his consortium sang on. Around about the 18th stanza I noticed both Juaquo and Maddy were now on their feet and every now and then making quick dips and bows but never staying down to long as not to miss a musical note. It was kinda like that game at Chuckie-Cheeses where gophers heads pop out of their little holes and you whack them with the padded mallet all the while learning valuable lessons of environmental conservation. Of course there was nothing to pop these kids in the head with so I just sat there and let them continue building the flora in the GI Tracts. So a good time was had by all.
Later, on the way home I had to stop by the office to pick something up. So of course both children went in with me. This was apparently little Juaquos first stop by my office so upon walking into the reception room he was dually impressed when he saw my bicycle leaning against some seats (as I often ride my bicycle to work).
Jakey said to Maddy:
“Wow! There’s a bicycle”
Maddy: “Yah, my daddy rides it when Mommy won’t let him drive”
Any way they followed me back to the consult room as children this age just do not stay put. Then Little Juaquo got this smug look on his little face and started smack his little hands together as if he was dusting them off and said “So…this is where the doctor works ay.”
The response was “Yup, when he is not singing with Alvin, Simon, and Theodore”
Which by the way is not such a bad film if you like singing gerbils.
Have a great week!
FeO2
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